The Summer That Did Not Relent....Or Forgive - Part 1 - Bailey Rae

I know I’ve sort of disappeared of the blogsphere in recent months; it’s not for lack of content or commitment to documenting. More like lack of energy, motivation, drive…take your pick. To get up to speed, I’m going to start at the beginning, see where that takes us and extrapolate accordingly.

Bailey Rae (aka: Bailey Boo Boo)
We can start with Bailey Rae because she became the center of my universe immediately and remains a fairly prominent aspect of my daily existence; she is the one thing that can bring me from Craptastic to Fantastic in a matter of moments. How Bailey came to me is a long story, but I want to make it clear that I did not buy her from a breeder. It was friend of a former co-worker type of situation, one of those opportunities you just can’t pass up and I was lucky enough to only have to pay for the items that came with her (food, small crate and blankets), her spay and shots. I need to clarify this because I am firm opponent to many of the breeding practices incorporated by many pug breeders and vowed I would never buy one, thus the reason I thought I’d never in the world actually get to have one, let alone a puppy. Not all dog breeders are the greedy, neglectful, dishonest slime balls you see on television and I know that, but my issue was always, how do I REALLY know? You don’t, you have to take their word for it and that’s just not enough for me. Besides, there are so many animals that need adopting; I truly never thought I’d end up doing it any other way then researching adoption options at Table Mountain Animal Rescue. So, you can imagine my excitement when she did fall into my lap unexpectedly and such a way that I felt comfortable going forward with it.

This is not to say I didn’t agonize about the decision to bring Bailey into my home. I did (and still do) have some residual guilt about Kasha. I know sending Kasha off to live in rescue until she could be adopted out was the best thing for all of us; she truly was such a disruptive source in my home that her very presence was overwhelming and I sometimes dreaded coming home. Let me also remind my readers (because this is what I do to make myself feel better) that I did not choose that dog and in not doing so, I subjected myself to the trauma of having to clean up that mess as well. I felt (and still feel) that Kasha’s presence in my life was much like C’s presence in my life, disruptive and traumatic and nothing I did could remedy it, no matter how much I tried because I was dealing with a being that was damaged in ways my love could not repair. So when Bailey came along, I was very frightened and resisted it a first. What if I can’t take good care of her? Can I afford this? What about Pumpkin and Gaia? What if I screw this up to? What if I’m just being impulsive and leaping before looking long enough, etc..etc…I tried really hard to talk myself out of it and even when I said “Ok sister, you won’t know unless you give it a shot and you’ve wanted this a long long long time and the Universe responded so suck it up” and I got her home, I STILL spent the first week or so simultaneously in love and freaking the frick out!

Let’s just say, I’m happy that I took that chance. Not ALL “chances“ are scary things I’m finding, especially when the decisions are made with clear minds and outside the rose colored glass. This particular adventure has thus far, been one of my favorites. Bailey truly is one of the sweetest companion animals I’ve ever shared a space with. She’s surprisingly mellow for a puppy (I think) and has this general “hey it’s cool as long as your playing with me” kind of attitude. The fact that she might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen helps too. And the puppy breath and curly little pig tail and “rarrooooooooooooo” when she yawns  oh and the puppy head tilt thing? That never ever gets old, not ever.

I will also say that with all of the rewards, having my very first pug puppy has also been an experience in patience. She potty trained remarkably well, partly I’m sure this is due the fact that she was 4 months when I got her and her previous momma did a lot of the work. Her bday is Feb 19th btw. That said, the first 2 weeks were still pretty much all about her. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and I think there is such a thing as being overly attentive. The crate training went really well, but I couldn’t commit to driving at home for lunch every single day forever so we began working what I call the “doggy jail” which is something like this:
http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3510034

What’s great about this is that the one I have is adjustable in size so I can create a space for her that is as small as a crate/kennel or as big as an apartment sized patio. It travels really well if I want to take her with me somewhere and set it up if we are going to be there for a while, it’s washable, pretty much the perfect thing and it was a left over from Kasha so I didn’t have to buy anything. This basically replaced the crate/kennel training and works perfectly because she can be contained during the day while I am gone, yet she has the freedom to move around in a fairly decent sized space and if she does have an accident…well it’s in the kitchen so it’s not the end of the world. She has had one in the entire time she’s been in there and that was due to a little too much wet food/treats the night before…otherwise she somehow manages to hold it all day while I’m at work. I joke w/ her that she’s got the bladder of a grown man inside that little body…she just licks my face when I say that.

I’ve been told to avoid any other type of training until they are 6 months because pugs are notably intelligent, but they have to grow up a tad before you can really train them efficiently. I don’t think I can wait that long for the basics tho, which would be “leave it” and “down.” Leave it will address an array of issues, in particular the nipping and when she’s feeling really feisty running off with my slipper or clamping down on my pajama bottoms and refusing to let go unless I pry her little jaws open…oh and um, puppy teeth? Let’s all say it together “OW.” Yep, they are like little razors and I think she knows JUST how much pressure to apply to really make it hurt if she’s mad at me. Now, because she weighs all of 8 lbs (maybe) it’s fairly simple to manage her – as in remove her from the situation – but I still don’t want her nipping…so the “leave it” will help with that. “Down” because I need her to not jump on the cats or people, again because of her size some of that behavior can be easily forgiven. It’s not like it hurts when she jumps on you, but it still needs to be addressed.

I’m working with what is known as “clicker training” and it’s quite effective in getting her attention for very short periods of time, though I’ll admit that Bailey gets her fair share of treats around my house. Puppies are excellent vacuum cleaners in the kitchen when cooking, so I don’t discourage her from being in there while I’m cooking. But I am trying to teach her to not sit there and stare at me while I’m eating b/c that IS annoying….who wants to be stared down while they are finishing off half a gallon of ice cream? I mean, cripes, I feel guilty enough as it is!

One difficulty I face in training her is that she’s so damn cute. Some of the stuff she shouldn’t be doing (like running off with my slippers or sandals or trying to eat my shoe laces or taking off with a guests flip flop should it be sitting under the patio furniture, things like that) is really hilarious. It’s a lot like toddlers, sometimes it’s impossible to cover the laughter while you are disciplining them and therefore, the discipline isn’t very effective because the puppy can absolutely gauge how serious you are about it all. Oh that’s the other thing, this dog is absolutely 100% attuned to my mood at all times. She’s no fool, she knows when I’m being serious and when mom is serious she usually listens. So, like all things in life, I am learning how choose my battles with her and if I am laughing my ass off and trying to tell her “no” at the same time….it might be wise to re-examine how important the situation really is. Plus, puppies chew on stuff….the world is their oyster for nom-ming and I do my best to make sure she has plenty to nom on (looks like a puppy child care center in my house) but sometimes, she just wants to nom on something different…like my hand or toes.

Puppy proofing was and is an adventure. Puppies will find whatever you did think of plus everything you didn’t. I can’t even tell you the weird stuff I find in her mouth and she’s hip to my game, she knows when she’s chewing on something of question when I come after her because she runs away…which then becomes a game. Oh? Mommy is chasing me…wooo hoooo wweeeeeeeeeeee, come get me mommy! I’ve pulled out some disgusting stuff out of her mouth….another toddler similaritie. Essentially, it is very much like having a human 12 month old baby in your house.

Over all, she has brought nothing but joy to my life. In between the moments when I want to chuck her out the back door and the occasional nipping that went a little too far, she truly is the best part of my day. I love when I come home; her little curly tail wiggles so much she almost knocks herself over. All the little sounds she makes, the stubborn-ness, her relentless curiosity, the chorus of “awwwwwwwwww” when I take her out in public (which can be difficult when I’m trying to get her some exercise cuz she loves EVERYONE and everyone loves her) and our routines when we wake up and go to sleep at night (she sleeps w/ me of course) are some of the most memorable thus far. Much like our human children, our furbabies become beings you create memories with and I know Bailey will be a big part of my life for as long as I’m lucky to have her. She is my best friend and I can honestly say that when I was in the midst of the funk (more on that later) I wanted nothing but to be with her, she played a pivotal role in getting me out of it and I appreciate that.

Memorable moments:

- One morning, I woke up around 6:30 am, opened my eyes and there she was…maybe 3 inches from my face very quietly and gently nom-ming the corner of my pillow. She noticed that I’d woken up and her big huge bubble eyes looked up at me and her little tail began to wiggle slowly. I almost cried it was so sweet.

- Various trips to the vet for ingesting plastic arm men. Good times.

- The first time I caught Bailey and Gaia playing together, Gaia was totally busted and she knew it.

- The night I’d taken her out twice and she pooed both times and STILL had an accident on my bed in the middle of the night. This is when we learned that puppies don’t really need wet food, it’s not all that good for them anyway and now it’s only a treat on the weekends.

- The night we had the tornado and she was terrified, keeping her calm helped me to stay calm.

- The night she was breathing funny and I sat up with her all night freaking out.

- Her playing with her furbaby cousins (she goes bat shit around other dogs, in the best way possible)

- Teaching her to go up and down the “stairs” we’d made for her from my bed to the floor.

There are tons more and there will be tons more if I am lucky, more on her to come.

No Dear Blog, I've NOT Abandoned You

I'm just busy, going through some personal things I don't much feel like elaborating on and find myself MUCH more inclined to be outside playing my dogs/garden/hula hoops then inside sitting behind a computer monitor any longer then I absolutely have to....so sit tight friends and I'll be back in due time.

Until then:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30854268@N03/sets/72157620685619893/

i know, i know

I know I need to blogg, so much to detail and record. So little time. The weeks with Max gone seem to have escaped me and now he comes home tonight (only for a week and then he’s gone again until August 1st) so this week I’m sure I’ll be busy after work hanging out with him and doing 4th of July-ish things, not to mention the wedding we have on Saturday and other possible visits with friends who are in town over that weekend. I’ve also been sick with bronchitis for the past week which essentially kicked my ass right into bed, so I’ve been trying to manage that and work. Not doing a very good job as it turns out because there are a ton of people in my life I’m neglecting at the moment, not at all intentionally, but neglecting nonetheless and I need to get it together. So my lovelies, exepect updates (and gasp PICTURES) to follow as soon as I am able. Until then, just know that I love you and if you need me, you might need to hit me upside the head with a frying pan so I’ll understand b/c I’m a little dense right now. Love to you all :)

The Cutest Mogwai That Ever Lived

Bailey Ray

Adorable black 4 month old pug of unknown name has officially been named:

Bailey Ray





Also known as Bailey Boo or Bailey Butt (when nipping momma to play/wake up/be fed/nom nom nom) she is essentially the entire focus of my life at the moment and I have so much fun things to post, but not a moment to do so because this is basically what my schedule has been for the past week:

a) Wake up at 6 am to “nom nom nom mom it’s time to get up!” puppy nibbles, whining or other noises
b) Make breakfast for everyone, hop in the shower while everyone is munching
c) Walk Bailey for about 20 minutes, play for another 10 minutes or so before work and in her crate she goes
d) Snuggle the cats for a few minutes, make sure everyone has plenty of water and fresh air and out the door I go
d) Drive work, work 3.5 – 4 hours
e) Drive home at lunch, walk Bailey for about half an hour make sure she gets a good pee/poo in and a drink – back into the crate
f) Drive back to work; work another 3.5 – 4 hours
g) Drive home, chase Bailey around the house/back yard with toys, water and food for about 30 mint to an hour to get all that pent up crate energy out a (sort of) and try to do some chores/make dinner/etc….while she is playing (always playing, always)
h) Eat part of my dinner while she’s having her dinner after I’ve done chores
i) Take Bailey for at least an hour walk
j) Get home, more playing while I watch a movie or read….in fact there is ALWAYS playing, always….always a toy in the mouth/chew bone or some other odd and end in her mouth that either requires removing or careful inspection for acceptable in the mouth activity
k) In bed by about 10, asleep by 10:15…if I make we make it that long.

This will continue for a few more weeks as we work through crate training and until Max comes home for a week. I should easily loose another 10 lbs at this rate right?

Life is good, more to come…next up “Tales Of Walking With Bailey” it’s good stuff.

xoxo

I am in love

Another quickie

Life is abnormally busy on my end. Perhaps it’s the weather because I spend a lot of time outside these days walking, gardening and otherwise running to and fro. Perhaps it’s all this energy I seem to have and the 5 lbs I’ve last since D-Day one week ago. Perhaps it’s that work is in it’s typical all or nothing phase. Maybe it’s because we have been going pretty non stop since Memorial Day with getting Max ready for his trip to WY, spending time with friends and family and maintaining chores around the house…..

Or maybe….just maybe…..we are getting a puppy! Not just ANY puppy….a PUG puppy. Yes, my friends my desires and plea’s to the Universe to bring me a new baby have come true. I am picking up my 4 month old pug pup in approximatly 60 minutes. Her name is Niki (soon to be changed when I determine what will better suit her) and she is a leetle teeny tiny little baby doggeh because she’s the runt of the litter (of course, I’m SUCH a sucker) and she’s all black with bulgy eye balls and smooshed up face and little curly tail, kind of like a piggy tail. I can’t wait to smell her and snuggle her and take her home and call her George! Oh yes, she will be mine!

I will post pics when I can, between the new puppy and the rest of my life…I really am running a million miles an hour and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t loving every single minute of it!

A Quick Update

Started the big shake down this week, so far so good. I feel incredible. I have tons of energy, I don’t know why I didn’t start this a long long time ago. But I’m doing it now and that’s what matters. Already lost a few lbs, I won’t start bouncing around until that first 20 comes off tho I have a non-food/non-booze present for myself at that mid way mark….I’ve already picked out the jewelry and everything and I’ll just go to wear Max got his ears pierced, that guy did a great job.

Crystal’s visit was lovely. She and D were on the go for most of it so we only got together twice, but I realize I have to share so I don’t get pouty about such things. Dancing and bogeying the night away was just what the doctor ordered for this fruit. It’s nice to have D in Denver, all the more enticing for Crystal visit, how did we get so lucky here in CO is what I want to know? I miss her and Peck so much, friends like that just don’t come along all that often.

Max leave’s for WY June 6th, he’ll be out there through August 1st with a week long break in between at home for 4th of July. I have mixed emotions about sending him off, but I sense it’s going to be ok. More on that when I have more time.

I’ve signed up for a yoga class 2 nights a week for the duration of June and belly dancing classes for most of July and into August. Tammy plans to participate in the belly dancing with me, which should be fun b/c she is like master-sowing woman so she and I have plans to make costumes together. I cannot afford much more then that right now, I had to put the guitar project on the side until I can fund it properly. June and July have booked up pretty quickly already. I am taking full advantage of this time for myself which will include lots of physical activity, time with loved ones, time with nature and plenty of down time. If my energy level holds up as it is currently, things should go swimmingly….

Gardening is coming along; the back yard is still in maintenance mode. I’m not sure pumpkins will have enough time to seed if we don’t get it done this weekend and this is my last weekend w/ Max so I don’t know, we’ll see….I’d really like some for the fall though. Gardening of this magnitude does cost money, we need a weed whacker and loppers and clippers…..all in due time. We enjoy the back yard plenty. Front yard looks great, my seeds are starting to sprout, next Spring should be absolutely gorgeous in my window boxes…this year, we’ll see. Now that I have an idea of how the sun hits everything and where the shade is, I’ll be on top of it next spring.

I’m still searching for the perfect show to go to, haven’t found one yet….Modest Mouse is high on the list, as is Ween. Mile High Music Fest would be the ideal, I mean that would freaking rock, maybe I’ll find tickets under a rock somewhere, maybe the back yard while digging those big ole suckers up?

Still talking to doggeh case worker, it’s slow go, but it’s in motion. I expect my attention may be else where for a while, so it might have to wait till Fall. The really cool thing about life is that there is SO much fun stuff to be doing and trouble to get into that I just can’t help myself, I have to taste a little bit of all of it 

Happy Friday chickens, I love you!

Haven't forgotten about you dear Blogg

Life is busier then normal, wonderfully busy, but still not much room for blogging at the moment....more to come soon. xo my lovlies!

Memorial Day Shenanigans

Well, the weekend is upon us and I have so much fun stuff planned I can barely sit still. On the agenda:

Friday Night – Mall & Movie Night
I’m not a big consumer; in fact I mostly despise shopping of all kinds. However, every now and then I get a bug in my butt and like to spend the afternoon perusing stores with Max, eating mall junk food and we usually wind it up at the movie theatre. I have no desire to see much of anything out right now, but Mj is sold on the new Terminator and being that I’ve got 2, maybe 3 weekends left with the man child before he leaves for the summer, I can probably concede to a little futuristic robot war horror for a few hours in the name of hanging out with the kiddo.

Saturday
I have to work in the morning, big project trying to go live in 2 weeks, but getting requirements from the project manager on this project (not Nancy of course) is proving difficult. I could’ve written better requirements in 3rd grade, let’s just put it that way. He doesn’t take anything seriously, everything is half assed and he thinks everything is “easy” as in “Well, how hard can it be to just…x, y & z?” uh, yeah ok buddy….that’s why the average developer in my office is 34 years old and has an average of 10 years experience already. And that’s each pal, EACH of us have been doing this for 10 years already…AT LEAST that, most more like 15. So yeah….I have to do a little hand holding this weekend so I can actually do my job next week. Did I mention this guy gets on my nerves?

Saturday Night
Crystal, Dane, Peck, Randall, Melanie and friends….need I say more?

Sunday
I suspect there will be a recovery period, no one is DDing, everyone is either cabbing or light-railing the night before…this means debauchery. I’m so excited, I expect to do some groove thang shaking my bad self 

Sunday Night
Dave & Busters with the whole crew and Max. That should be fun.

Monday
Rest and hang w/ the boy….he’ll be gone soon, I want as much time w/ him as possible.

Bring it on! Woo hoot!

Tuesday Ramblings....

1. My male friends who are married keep telling me how great their wives are, how lucky they are to have such a wonderful wife. Also, based on what I’ve seen, wives appear to do many of the same chores and other domestic duties I do in a day…so I’ve decided I am going to get me one of those wife thingy’s. I’m wondering where to go about hiring/purchasing one? Do they have some that

2. Food is not friend or foe, just food? Wow…that’s a concept huh? We’ll see, week one starts Tuesday, Mary 26th 2008. GO SARAH BANARAH!

3. My son has been a teenager for almost 5 solid years now. The drastic mood swings and ability to turn for sweet to sour without notice STILL catches me off guard at times.

4. I feel a sense of relief that Crystal ended up riding w/ Dane out to CO. I know it was all very last minute in nature, but I know that drive can be long on your own and I know that those two need that time considering the amount of time Dane is going to be in CO. I am looking forward to my time with Crystal while she’s in town and promise to post lots of pics. I am also looking forward to hanging out with Dane over the weekend when he’s not riding or working or WOWing.

5. Life feels really good right now, things are still uncertain with Max for the summer, but other then that. It’s all good baby.

Here's A Thought

If it is true that when we die and go to the “Other Side” we are no longer flesh baring beings and only exist in the spirit form, this would mean that things like food and sex and the smell of incense burning or how music can change an entire day around or the embrace of my child or the sound of rain are no longer relevant? Or AS relevant? That the very glory of evolving into this higher being will supersede all of this fleshy fun?

I’m certain you must retain the memory of these events that bring such earthly pleasures our way. I have to believe that these things must be part of the benefit of being human and living life in the first place, like ice cream for listening to our hearts and trying to fulfill whatever path we are meant to fulfill. But why I would strive and struggle and pray that I might become a loving, forgiving, whole omniscient being after having experienced all these lifetimes full of really cool experiences only to end up on the other end with no peanut butter causes me some distress. Sorry, I am just getting used to enjoying myself and there’s a chance it’s only for a limited time? Really? How the heck does that work? That makes me want to become really greedy with all the earthly enjoyments I can stuff into one life time thank you very much.

My only hope is that if I ever make it there in the first place I won’t be nearly this shallow about such a gift as evolving into a higher being and becoming one with the Universe. I really wouldn’t want to disappoint whomever is waiting there for me on the other side or miss it entirely just because I am a total glutton for all things pleasurable. Sigh.

Baby's First Piercings :)

I hate it when that happens...

I’ve recently been inserting foot into mouth far too often. For example, today I made an insensitive comment to a friend that if I’d taken the 2 extra seconds to actually consider the situation, could have been completely avoided. Somehow, the route between brain and mouth has been bypassed. Either I’ve become that person who doesn’t care what she says no matter the cost to others or I am just not patient enough to take the time to analyze a situation before commenting on it. Either way, this does not satisfy me. I’d much prefer to be a kinder, gentler type of Sarah who friends and family and loved ones can turn to without fear of being lambasted by my word vomit.

Chalk it up to experience or yet another phase in learning about interacting and communicating with others, but I’m definitely on the road to silencing that voice in my head that isn’t always as considerate of others as it could be.

A Brief Vent

Cuz I’m in the mood to cuss a little, not because life is horrible but because there are some things you just have to get off your chest:

Pet Peeve Of The Day:
People who talk on their cell phones while using a public restroom. I don’t need to hear the intimate details of your fight last night with your boyfriend while you are doing your business. I cannot avoid the conversation because of the close vicinity of the stalls. I doubt the other caller wants to hear me flushing the toilet either. There is not a single reason why cell phone usage is required in the bathroom unless calling 911 for some reason, probably because someone stuck that cell phone in unmentionable places and you need help removing it. No matter how you slice it, cell phone usage in public bathrooms is just rude and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

Worry Of The Day:
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how self centered and self indulgent I’ve been. I’ve been giving myself permission to be that way for far to long, I am rather disgusted with myself for spending these past few years completely wrapped up in how I feel about everything and not doing anything about it. It’s kind of pathetic in retrospect and while I will forgive myself, move on and try to do better next time….I am worried about how to break the habit while staying attentive to what my heart tells me is right for me. How do I stay present within myself and still love outwardly? I tend to get very lost in others and I will give of myself until there’s nothing left. I can’t do that any more. Balance is always the challenge for me no matter the subject and I am worried that will go to far to the extreme again and end up wondering how I got myself in such a mess with someone. I’m also afraid of being overly guarded as well. It’s been 2 years and I’ve still not got the energy to entertain the idea of really giving much of myself to anyone, other then my existing relationships and even some of those I find exhausting at times. I’m worried I’ve become jaded beyond repair.

Puzzle Of The Day
Why do some people think it is ok for them to treat other people poorly or disrespectfully? What makes them so special that they can scream at some poor clerk for doing her job or they can march around barking orders at their friends or kick their dogs or steal someone’s parking spot? Where do these people get the cajones to act like that? Didn’t their momma’s teach them any better and why does society tolerate it? We all have bad days and get snippy with others, but come one people, have we all lost our manners or what? If we can’t be civil to one another, how does the next generation know how to treat each other? I can’t help but feel like common courtesy and respect extends itself much farther then simply being polite to my neighbor or not going ballistic when someone cuts me off in traffic.

Rally and Rejoice!

My horoscope was spot on today:

http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/aquarius/daily-extended/20090512/;_ylt=An36C2t2UQQ5J7jO4RiruqqNb6U5

My motivation and inspiration meter is through the roof (and hopefully the energy to do it all will follow) and I’ve begun making plans for the summer and dare I say, I am a little excited to have a few months to myself. That may seem selfish, but guess what? I don’t really care if it seems that way or not. Everything in my life is pointing toward this being “ok” for the summer. It feels right and why should I fight that because of fear? To let go of my hang ups about Max and his Dad and let it flow, within reason of course. Max seems aware that this will be a summer only situation and then he’ll spend holidays and what not with the Raver’s, but during the school year he will remain at home with me. To me this seems like a fair middle ground to the scenario, though I still haven’t talked to Sean about the details so who knows what resistances I will meet when that happens.

Speaking of, Sean just couldn’t resist calling on Mother’s Day. Haven’t heard from the guy in 2 weeks and he calls on Mother’s Day? How passive aggressive is that. Jerk weed.

In any event, I’m feeling pretty optimistic today and am choosing to capitalize on it rather then question it. In the coming months, I have the following plans being set into motion as we speak:

- Diet Program
I need help to loose these pounds. I need some kind of structured system and accountability. I’ve been trying for months on my own and am getting no where, except I’m not gaining so that’s good. It’s a substantial investment, but one I feel is necessary at this time and the opportunity is presenting itself so I’m jumping on it. I have no ridiculous visions of me being a size 8 or even a 10 again. But a solid, firm size 12 would suit me just fine and is totally realistic.

- Exercise Regime
I have been getting out and walking at least 3 times per week as it is, not as long as I’d like but minimum half an hour. My plan is to up that 30 minutes each morning on the treadmill at the rec center Mon – Sat and whatever else I can fit in otherwise for the first 2 – 3 weeks. After that I am hoping to up it to morning treadmill time plus 3 afternoons of yoga, palates or other more intensive exercise that will help tone, strengthen and help my flexibility/balance. One thing about being so chunky is that my balance is way way off, it has been really ever since I sprained my ankles the first time all those years ago, but now I have very little balance at all which is frustrating. I’d like to feel a bit less clumsy and a little more physically capable.

- Doggeh
I’ve become working with a ‘case worker’ of sorts at Table Mountain Animal Center, which is our local animal shelter. It’s pretty cool, you essentially give her all your specs and she begins working with you to find a good fit. My hope is that we will find a good match within the first 2 weeks of June before Max leaves for WY, thus giving Max the change for input and then giving me plenty of time with said doggeh through the summer months to bond and work with and taking training courses at PetSmart (all free, isn’t that cool?)

- Guitar Lessons
I’m still saving up for my beginner’s guitar and have found lessons, but it’s going to be at least another month before I can afford both. There is some question about whether I should just focus on doggeh first and then pick up the guitar piece or if I want to begin belly dance classes. I guess I’m flailing a bit on the “hobby” front still; I need to focus some really meditative thought on that and proceed accordingly.

Obviously reading and gardening and spending time with friends and family is always high on my priority lists, but these things are my goals for the next 2 months starting June 1 2009. My flower garden in the front is coming along nicely; I am still amazed at how rich and healthy this soil is. Clearly someone was on the same path as me at this residence before. It’s crazy, in some spots you pick up a handful of soil and worms just spill out of it, good stuff. Max is going to help me get some more weeding done before he leaves so that I’ll have a fairly fresh canvas to work within the back; it’s like a jungle back there at the moment. That spring snow we got kicked the ass of our feared impending drought this year; let’s hope it stays that way!

Miss Crystal will be here in about a week. I cannot wait to see her fabulous self. I know Max is looking forward to it as well, he keeps joking about all the giggling and conspiring that will be going on, I tell him to get used to it, that’s what girls do. Until she gets here I have a dinner date with Miss Sassy Sandy Pants, gardening planned for the weekend and a zillion other chores to complete between now and next week, but it’s all good stuff. I love being focused and productive, I thrive on it and live for it. I wish I could express to you all how much moving has cleared my mind and heart, every day I am grateful and every day I feel I owe the Universe the work I promised it when I asked for what I wanted when we moved. I got it, we’ve settled and life is good. Now the work begins and it’s the best kind of work :)

see more Lol Celebs

Sigh....no laptop, no functional development environment, no real work to speak of until Nancy is out of these meetings for the next 3 days. Big changes, hurry up and wait. HURRY UP AND WAIT PEOPLE!

Outside of work life is busy as ever, not much was accomplished around the house this weekend due to Max and I feeling so under the weather. We did start weeding in the back though and much to our pleasure, we found a yard loaded with lots of healthy dirt with all kinds of worms to prove it. Specifically where I'm planning to plant the pumpkins/squash, I'm thinking they are really going to thrive there and I am eager to get a'planting. I've decided to load up on annuals/perennials in the front area and call it good. No reason to make it complicated.

The office still is in no shape for visitors, but I am chipping away at it. I am one of those people that gets really overwhelmed by the sight of a big job, aesthetically I mean. The visual of all those boxes to be sorted through, pictures to be hung and paperwork to file promptly causes me to find something else that needs to be done as soon as is human possible, like get on the computer and play Qwery on Pogo.com. But the office is slowly but surely becoming more like an office/guest room and less like a storage space.

Otherwise, the house feels pretty put together. Well, my closet/dresser is still pretty randomly sorted. No real organization there. Max's room actually looks great, he's done a lot to make it comfortable there. Speaking of Max, he's being awfully agreeable and pleasant. I'm enjoying it tremendously, but can't help but ask "Why? What the hell happened?" I've thought of asking him directly, it's all very strange. I really hope I am wrong and there isn't something suspicious about the whole situation.

Tonight I have plans to walk with Tammy and catch up, cook up some dinner and organize the rest of my books. Darrell is supposed to be down this weekend, we'll see if it happens. He's been planning it for a few weeks now, but that's happened before and something always comes up at the last minute that changes plans. Great guy, but our lives are just so not compatible and I'm really proud of both of us for seeing it for what it is and not making any hard feelings out of it. If he does make it down though, we'll have a great time and he'll go back up the mountain for an undetermined amount of time and that's fine with everyone involved. Sometimes maturing about relationships comes in the strangest forms, I swear.

I'm looking forward to Crystal's visit, only a few more weeks and it will be here! I can't believe I'm actually going to see Peck & Amy also, too crazy. I miss those girls!

Well, back to "work" for today. I really prefer my queue to be full, thank you. Otherwise, all I can think about is what I could be doing besides sitting a cube waiting for them to put me to work.

The Highs & Woes Of The Technie Industry

My desktop has been attacked by something with malicious intent. Must be all that “adult content” and Facebook-ing I do. Whatever. It’s been quite some time since I’ve done the networking/strictly IT side of things so I have dig way deep back in the little folds of my brain to remember the steps involved with properly detecting whatever it is that is causing my desktop to act like a squirrel on a vente double shot espresso from Starbucks. Sigh. It’s scanning right now which essentially eats up all of my resources until it’s done, thus allowing me to do little or nothing on the Internet, in Office 2003 OR use a single one of my development apps because those are the most resource intensive of the bunch (Visual Studio 2008 in particular) so I thought, hmmmmm, when in doubt, blog.

I’ve been thinking about my blog a lot lately. What is the purpose of it really? My intentions oscilate between it being about my own random meadorings, not really intened for any specific audience and wanting to use it as a means to keep folks posted on the somewhat mediocre life I’ve created with the occasional hiccups that produce both pleasures and pain, which in a sense seems a little narcasistic now that I am thinking on the subject. I’m undecided as to whether I need to change up the format and focus just on something specific, something USEFULL to the Internet world or if I am content to keep on posting, blathering on about whatever. I surely don’t expect that anyone is reading it, but when something blows up, I am reminded that it is being read and I should take that into consideration.

Things on the Max-front are interesting. He’s been ill for a few days and nothing brings out the “I want my mommy” – ies like having a head full of phlegm and a sore throat. So I did my duty as a mother and cared for him all weekend, meanwhile nursing my own bout of the ickness. Luckily we are both feeling much better today, no harm, no foul. I can’t quite figure him out, but something changed again around Wednesday or Thursday. He started being “nice” again, almost overly so. I am suspicious, suffice to say I don’t trust the boy at the moment. My mind wanders in all kinds of ugly places so it’s hard for me to know what’s really going on with him. Is he trying to trick me into thinking things are on the up and up, but secretly there is plotting going on behind my back? Yesterday we ran some quick errands and hung out most of the day together and I tell you, I enjoyed every moment of it. He has such a great sense of humor and can be like the sweetest guy on the planet. I figure hey, I’ll suck up this time with him where I can, it is fleeting after all. Something tells me this child is going to break someone’s heart in his life time and who’s heart to men always break first? There mother’s of course. Then, one would hope their mothers get to reap what’s been sown for the last 18 or 21 years, but we’ll see.

Work is quiet again, I keep having this fear that I’m going to come into work one of these days and get laid off. I’m trying desperately not to let that idea linger to long as to avoid it being cooked up as a reality (I’m a bit superstitious like that) because I’d really like to believe my job is stable so I can continue working on stabilizing the rest of my life, which is coming along nicely over all. But the fear hasn’t quite left me yet, it flares up and then the fear fire is put out by more code for me to write or trouble shoot, my inclusion in all things development team related and things all around being seemingly normal. For example, our department received a gold award from a global conference for delivery providers last month. It’s fairly prestigious and our department of 8 little developers and one kick ass supervisor (Ok, I GUESS the 24/7 IT admin staff had something to do with it….I mean SOMEONE has to make sure those servers are consistently operational and the database’s are being managed properly - they rock seriously) has some how managed to play with the big dogs in terms of application development to manage media delivery. So it’s nothing to sneeze at, we are even having a bbq thrown in our honor on Wednesday and I know the whole staff appreciates those types of events on occasion. Good for morale and all that. We are also getting ready to sign contract with a group that will pour a fair amount of cash into our department to merge our applications with their existing delivery media software. We are looking at potentially doubling our staff to make that transition happen so that gives you an idea of the kind of money we are talking about. Not sure where we are going to fit everyone, we are already crammed in here like sardines as it is, but I trust management to make it comfortable. They’ve never let me down yet. However, my bottom line is that I am insecure about my skill set at this point. Any new developers they hire are going to be experienced developers, I will continue to be low man on the development totem pole until I don’t know when, it really just takes time and experience and I wonder sometimes if my employer can have the patience to allow for that time to pass and experience to be gained. The reality is that they need a certain type of developer and I’m just not there yet. On the other hand, I believe that Nancy does value me and PDC isn’t the type of company to just throw someone away after 4 years, though I have seen it happen in one particular case. So I do feel like my ass is on the line and all I can do is get my butt to work every day, work hard and try to let them know I’m up to any task they have for me. It is stressfull tho, I can’t quite totally quiet the voices in my head telling me I’m on my way out and to get ready for it. That’s just how I’m built, to always be on guard for potential crisis. It wears me out some times.

Doh…back to work, my laptop is toast. It will have to be rebuilt and until then I will be sitting in the only empty cube in the office, setting up THAT environment for the next 2 days until my laptop comes back and then I’ll be setting THAT environment back up so I can actually get some work done. Poo. Not my happiest Monday, not the worst either tho I suppose :)

Zombie Dreams & The Swine Flu

I had horrid zombie dreams last night. A friend mentioned SHE had zombie dreams Tuesday night so maybe the seed was planted there or I’ve just seen too many zombie movies and this whole Swine Flu thing is creeping into my head as a potential source for zombie attack. I actually rather enjoy zombie movies (my favs are: 28 Days Later & the Resident Evil series because Mila Jovovich kicks some series zombie ass) because they are of the few horror variety that actually scare me, so sadly I do it to myself. And last night in my dreams I wasn’t even afraid of the zombies all that much, even though they were horrendous and chasing me everywhere. I was more panicked about finding and protecting Max from zombie bites…..wait, maybe the zombies are Sean in my dreams? Cripes, I can’t analyze myself. That’s what therapy is for.

So yeah, that was my dream sequence last night and I’m not feeling 100% at the moment, so I slept like 9 hours and I dream really deeply when I sleep that much and they tend to be very vivid. This morning all I could think about was the Swine Flu pandemic freak out. If someone traveled to the future from 1949 were to watch the news in this country on any given day, they’d run screaming for the nearest bomb shelter and never come out. It’s really a sad state of affairs, it really seems impossible to get any information in this country without someone’s spin on it, which I guess is human nature AND there’s that whole “freedom of speech” thing we are so proud of. Why must it be taken so far tho? When this type of thing occurs then the media becomes positively titillated with delight on yet another subject which can be used to pollinate the masses with drama. I swear you can see those people salivating on the television screen and I don’t even watch network TV news, I can’t imagine how that must look. All I can do is give Alternet.org a big high five and try to avoid the mass hysteria being propagated about things like the Swine Flu and the Craigslist Killer.

Please don’t misunderstand my concern about these issues. Of course I care that people have died and there is no doubt there should be notification to the public about the potential dangers of the current world health situation, without question the public has the right to this information. However, there truly are just as many other terrifying virus critters like the common staph infection that is leaping from hospitals to the main stream and infecting children on soccer fields with MSSA or the obvious and that is that 10s of thousands of people die from the common flu virus in this country every year. And I have yet to see that on a news report even once, except for when a basketball star contracted the virus from the locker room and had to have surgery to save his life.

Obviously, the news organizations could spend say 5 minutes reporting on the major issues facing the human culture at any given moment and be on 24/7 and they would never, ever run out of topics of severity.

What I wonder is who deems it “news” or “breaking news”? Where does it trickle down from? And why, instead of creating panic or giving the impression that the end times are near, aren’t the news organizations held accountable for their reporting styles and methods? Wouldn’t it make more sense to AVOID freaking people out as the end result? We all know FoxNews is about the most biased crap on cable television, but isn’t it obvious that a lot of other places in which one might gather the news from is also biased? There must be some where that provides simply the facts and allows its viewers/readers to make their own decisions?

Sigh. I realize this is probably a loosing battle. I know all is not lost and I have hope always, but sometimes I get a little worn down from the constant barrage of information. I feel like I try to avoid it, but it just worms its way in because even if I don’t watch it, everyone is talking about it. And if people are afraid, then so be it. Talk about it, work out how you are feeling and then take the appropriate measures to protect yourselves. Avoid spreading viruses AND panic. I cannot believe that the public has to be reminded to wash their hands regularly and take standard precaution when in public area’s about human cross contamination, but maybe that’s all that early childhood education first aid and CPR course material resonating in my head. I feel tremendous empathy and sadness for those who are suffering at the moment because of this virus. I hope it can be contained and that no more casualties will occur as a result. Hopefully all this hand washing advice will have some kind of positive result, I guess what I would hope is that people don’t start to panic until there’s a good reason too. There are already scam artists out there trying to scam people out of vaccination money! What the hell is wrong with people?

I guess I am a little cranky at the moment because my throat is sore, I have a headache and the constant drone and jokes surrounding the Swine Flu are making me want to crawl back into bad, even if it does mean zombie dreams again.

Thank You's

I need to express my gratitude publically to all of you who have been so supportive of me on the Max situation. Thank you for listening to me cry, whine, fume and rage. Thank you for letting me feel what I need to feel and giving me the space to vent it all out. Thank you for offering up your inputs, it is always valuable. Please remember, I really don’t have anyone to bounce this parenting stuff off of and while part of me knows I’m going to try and manage the situation to the best of my ability and do what I think is right, the other part of me does need a little back up once in a while. I think it’s only natural, I’m not really sure any of us knows what we are doing when it comes to parenting. All we can do is look at ourselves and what history has taught us and takes those lessons and move forward.

I don’t know what the next steps are with Max just yet, but I am confident he and I will come through this ok on the other side of it all. In the meantime, my goal is to stay sane, focused and strong. No doubt that focus will be tested, I get distracted easily in life, but I always get through it. Max and I are family, Sean is his family too whether I like it or not and families trudge through the hard stuff, whether it’s uncomfortable, unfair or seems unachievable. It doesn’t have to be perfect or “my” way, but I believe a meeting of the minds is possible and I’ll keep trying until we find it or I am left with no choice.

Ha, I will have to formulate a mantra somehow encompassing all of this when Max is giving me the evil eye or I’m listening to Sean’s venomous, placating voice on the phone.

The Happiness Project

Great site!

http://www.happiness-project.com/

Tuesday

Today is a little brighter then yesterday on some levels. Max and I had a fairly civil conversation last night resulted in lightening the situation a little. I feel pretty confident with the current course of action on the Max-front and even though I still couldn’t predict how this situation will pan out, what I do know is that everything will be ok in the long run. The current plan of action is this:

a) I have contacted a family therapist and I have an appointment scheduled with her for Thursday. I will meet with her alone and lay out the situation, baggage and all. Max and I will then meet with until he goes to Wyoming after school is out. I will continue to work with this family therapist while Max is in Wyoming and upon his return we will begin therapy together again.

b) I have yet to contact Sean or his parents. I am still too worked up about their role in the situation to feel confident that I can have a conversation with them yet that won’t result in something negative. I have to be strong, firm and able to let their comments slide past me. I’m not quite there yet. But when I DO speak with them, my plan is to inform them (again) that communicating through Max is unacceptable and puts him in the middle. I intend to let Sean know that I feel if he plans to be a part of Max’s life on this level, he needs to start acting like an adult an acknowledge that we are BOTH the parents and that it is entirely inappropriate for him to undermine me. I do not do it to him and he should return the favor. Things like Max’s driver’s license and school are things we both have to be involved in. I am sure he will try to pacify me and my words will not matter, but I have to be heard.

c) Max will go to Wyoming for the summer probably sometime in the 2nd week of June. He will return the first week of August to register for school.

d) Sean will be responsible for Max’s summer school, including all financial cost involved. I will save any child support from the 2 summer months in a savings account to be used for school registration fees, supplies and clothes.

e) Max will return to CO for the school year and spend Christmas/Spring Break with his dad.

This is what I’m putting on the table. I have already spoken with Max about this and he is not happy about it obviously, I think he thinks something might change between now and the end of the summer, but I also sense that he doesn’t want to give up his life in CO either. I think he isn’t always happy with my choices (which is fair), thinks I’m too harsh on him about school and is trying to run away from his responsibilities. In essence, I think the kid is really fighting growing up and the grass looks pretty green on the other side of the fence. I am not sure how it’s going to go down but I do think it’s a good start. I know some of the people in my life don’t agree with me or think I am trying to control the situation and that I should just let him go live with his Dad and let that be that. I’m not saying that won’t happen, I am not saying I might not get to the point with him where I’m “done” but to me I still have to try and make the best effort I can to do what I think is right for Max because the fact is that I have been raising him his entire life and maybe I’m not a perfect mother, but I’ve stuck through it for him no matter what. Until there is no other choice, I feel like I at least have to try.

Now, if I could just restrain myself from reacting to his crummy attitude on the day to day we might get through this without further insult to injury. That’s sort of the hard part, how do we live together during this period of transition? No matter the outcomes, this IS a time of transition and that fact cannot be denied so I have to learn how to manage the situation for the next 6 weeks or so without driving either one of us batty. My natural tendency is to want to fix everything right away, but experience has finally taught me that this isn’t always the way.

I also spoke with Max more in detail regarding the sex text messages stuff. I didn’t berate the guy for being 16 and sexual, it’s pretty normal. I just took the time to talk with him about respect for women and to remind him that all young ladies have a daddy or a brother or an uncle or SOMEONE who will educate him on how to talk to their daughter/sister/niece/friend etc….should something like this ever come to their attention and I don’t know ANYONE that wants stare down a very pissed off daddy. I also explained to him the definition of harassment and to pay close attention to the many recent stories on the news about “sexting” and legal charges being brought about because of the more over the top stuff. I was really trying not to shame him. I think he felt a certain amount of that on his own. I also took it as an opportunity to have another safe sex discussion, for which he essentially ignored me but I reminded him that he’s got what he needs to protect himself and his future, don’t forget that.

So who knows what the coming weeks will bring. I’ve fully prepared myself for a lot of tension, attitude, conflict with Sean’s family and the fact that Max might not be home when I get off work one of these days. I know I can’t play the patsy with this kid either. I have a career, one that is beginning to really bloom and it’s pretty essential that my personal life no longer impact my day to day job. I also can’t spend my daily allotted emotional energy pining away over the whole situation. I think what I have to do here is focus on not being married to one specific outcome and be prepared for anything. That should be pretty simple with my one and only child right? Ha.

Is breathing a little more evenly, sometimes we all need the space to "freak out" about something so that we can come to terms with the situation in our own time and mind space. Luckily for me, I am surrounded by so many different types of people that I get input from ALL spectrums of the rainbow. I *heart* the rainbow!

Ok, turns out I do have a second to blog after all. The one issue I had today was already completed quite some time ago by another process so we are waiting on the big stuff to come in this week, then it should be good times at work.

Now on to Max as I’m sure all will be curious and frankly, I need to vent because I’m not sure I’ve felt this full of frustration, anger, hurt and disappointment in a long long time. To boot, I am a little disappointed that I was reaching a happy place again only to have it all come down on me in a matter of moments.

Let me preface this with the following: Max has been “off” for about a week. At first I sort of chalked it up to teen angst. Any of you who have teenagers or were a teenager at some point in your life (har) can attest to the fact that humans at 16 years old are volatile at best. Really, there are times when being in the same room with him is like being in the same room with a Tasmanian devil in a hormonal frenzy., Last week, after weeks of relative harmony he became moody and defiant about stupid things, began isolating himself from me more and more, etc,…..In retrospect, I notice this behavior increases when he’s feeling that life is “unfair” and that my rules are overly harsh. For example, last week I asked him to do some yard work as he Wednesday off. This was apparently a huge injustice to his sensibilities and he made sure I’d pay for it with attitude for the remainder of the day. It didn’t get any better Thursday or Friday. In any event, things were going great until about last Monday and then something sparked this kid’s fire on Friday. Friday evening we had guests over and had a wonderful night of good food and good friends. They went home and Max promptly went to bed. I figured he was just tired, so I let it go.

Matt came over, we watched some movies; he went home I went to bed. I wake up Saturday morning and Max is stomping around the house with a mega attitude. Clearly something is on this kid’s mind. I ask him repeatedly if something is up and he just ignores me and finally I get tired of asking, I figure he’ll come to me when he’s ready. Meanwhile, he’s being awfully sneaky running in and out of the house and I’m thinking, ok…whatever.

He finally confronts me and a whole slew of very tense moments occur in which I find out he’s already got it all set up, that he’s going to live with his dad and he’s taking his stuff, etc…etc…etc… He almost started loosing it, cussing, calling me names, etc…but I calmed him down by gently reminding him that I am his mother, no matter what, I’m still his mother and he might want to reconsider what he’s saying to me before he says something he can’t take back. I almost slapped him; he was way over the top. He calmed down, I ponder his behavior (we’ve been through this before as you all know) and my first reaction is “You have to finish this school year.” My goal was to reason with him and get him to calm down and that did seem to help. I then find out he’s been talking w/ the dad’s side of the family about this all morning and he needs to go call them and update them. I am like raging pissed at this point. For the record, I feel they are totally coddling him and not really looking at the bigger picture which I can tell you are making for some difficult situations as a whole. In any event, Saturday was pretty awful and Max and I went rounds pretty good but I did manage to defuse the situation fairly well by letting him know he might be able to go to his dad’s for the summer, we’d have to talk about it.

Pins and needles all weekend as you can imagine. I will be honest, I am very hurt. He said some awful stuff to before I was able to check him. I also feel Max is trying to manipulate the situation to his advantage (and now that I know what I know, I know why.) I feel he doesn’t want to face his responsibilities here, I think he’s trying to run away from reality and go somewhere he thinks will offer him escape. Which it would temporarily. And I am absolutely furious/livid with Sean’s side of the family. They are absolutely adding to the situation without even considering how things might look from an adult’s perspective in the situation, they are pretty much going through Max without even talking to me about it. I’m EFFING PISSED at them. More then I care to even describe here.

Fast forward to Sunday night…..I started snooping. In my defense, I’ve always been very fair about Max’s privacy. I’ve given him a wide birth in this department because I believe kid’s need that to grow into themselves. However, given his recent behavior and what I perceive as a possible crisis here, I didn’t really care if Max likes it that I am going through his phone or his MySpace page. The old adage about curiosity and the cat is surely true in this scenario.

First I found messages dating back several weeks between Max and his father. His father promising him to help him get a license, telling Max he would buy him a car, etc….(please remember that I’ve told Max he needs to have at least a C average to have his drivers license and that he’d have to pay for his own gas/insurance some how) not to worry about money etc….totally undermining a lot of what I’ve laid down with Max about driving, which is obviously a very appealing thing for a 16 year old. In my eyes though, the kid hasn’t earned it. He’s doing much better in school and I am giving him props for that, but he’s still has unacceptable grades in 2 classes and I feel firmly about this, especially if I am going to put him on MY insurance. Kid needs to show some initiate and responsible behavior before I’ll consider that.

As you can imagine, I am LIVID with Sean and it’s taking everything I have to not call him and rip him a new one. Even as I type this, my mind is racing with how to approach this in the best way possible because this is a very delicate situation.

Second, I then find several pretty vial text messages between Max and a girl he’s been seeing. Mostly at his urging I’m sad to say. She seemed rather uncomfortable with some of this discussion. I’m not surprised that my son is “sexting” as it were; I know this is a pretty common thing amongst kids these days. I’m not surprised that he’s experimenting with sexual ideas and attitudes. I am not even upset about the idea of him acting on it to be honest, he’s almost 17 years old and I believe sexuality is healthy, not something to be feared or quilted over. What I AM upset about is that he was being disrespectful in these texts. Pushing her about things that I think are WAY over the top for 16 year olds to be discussing (this is stuff I didn’t even KNOW about until I was in my mid 20’s) and it kills me to say this, but I am really disappointed in him. I really never thought he’d be “that” guy. Even if he is just trying it on for size, I still don’t like it and I guess I don’t have to. And what kills me even more is that Max portrays himself as an utter angel to me, I know better, but again, I feel manipulated.

At the moment I have no idea what the next step is. On the one hand, part of me is like “Fine. Go.” I’ve kind of had it with this posturing Max is doing between Sean’s family and me. They are not helping the situation one bit IMO, in fact, it feels to me like Sean is taking this as his opportunity to play on Max’s issues with me to gain Max’s affections. Jerk. Part of me is like maybe this is the best thing for the summer? I do see value in it on some level. Sean can deal with summer school and all of its expenses, Sean can take him to the kidney appointments and find a way to keep Max occupied while he’s at work all day long. Whether or not Sean would follow up with any of these things of course is the other concern. And the reality is that Max may just go anyway, I might not be left with much choice. Besides, he’s not a little child any more, he does have some say in his life and I’m not going to go down as the ogre who wouldn’t let him get to know his dad. Which we all know isn’t the case, but its sure being painted that way.

On the other hand, I of course don’t want him to go for my own reasons but I know some of that I need to start working through. He’s growing up quick, it’s time for me to start building my own life, but he’s still got 2 solid years of high school left and he’s got a life in CO. I also don’t think anyone in this situation should be conceding to the whims of a hormonal-rebellious 16 year old without further discussion and communication. The bottom line here is that things are the way they are for a reason. I have full custody of this child because his father was an abusive jack ass and I had to protect Max and Sean has been almost totally absent from Max’s life up until the last 2 years or so. I am beginning to leave the past in the past with Sean and I 100% support a relationship between Sean’s family and Max (if they stop acting like back stabbing selfish teenagers themselves), but I’m sorry, he hasn’t earned my trust enough to just allow Max to go traipsing off to some po dunk Wyoming town with no opportunity, shitty schools and a lower unemployment rate then even Denver at the moment. Sean doesn’t even work consistently for cripes sake, HELLO! No one is thinking about this stuff, about Max’s future should he move to Wyoming. Everyone just wants what they want. I am very concerned that if Max doesn’t stay in CO for his school years that he won’t finish high school and even above my love for my only child, it’s my responsibility to try and help him have a good life and education in some form is critical. He has to find some way to support himself in the next 2 – 4 years and without at least a high school diploma, his chances are eating regularly are low. I won’t have it.

Plus, Sean and his family have NO right whatsoever to get involved on this level without even talking to me. They are communicating all through Max. It’s ridiculous and childish and unfair to both of us. Again, I am absolutely LIVID.

Now that I’ve vented some (and not for the first time in the last 2 days) I can say that I feel myself getting to a place of more impartialness then I was able to a few days ago. Max isn’t a child any more, in some ways yes, but not totally. He does deserve the opportunity to establish a relationship with Sean and I have no real problem with Max going to Sean’s for the summer IF everyone involved comes to an agreement on how this should go down AND there’s a lot less conniving behind my back. I will fight for Max to stay in CO for his school years and live with me because it’s what I think is best, but if they want to set something up where Max spends summers/holidays with Sean, I am open to that. Max won’t like it because he’s got it in his head that he’s going to live with Sean this summer, but tough shit. I may only have 16 years on the kid, but it’s enough to know that I still have to fight for what’s right with this kiddo.

I am still fuming over the texts/emails I found though. Seriously fuming. Max got an earful from me this morning. Maybe it’s about time this kid see’s that I’m not as stupid as he seems to think and that he can point his fingers at me all he wants, but that he’s responsible for his own life and behavior at the end of the day.

A little hectic....

I am not ignoring anyone, I know I have emails/voicemails/texts to respond to. Max is pulling the "I want to go live with my dad" thing again and I won't even tell you what this snooping mother found on his phone and on his MySpace page. I am pretty shocked, no one wants to see that kind of filth coming ouf of the mouthes of babes....but it is what it is. Anywa, no time to really update...I will when I can. Love you to all and please send your prayers and good juju my way as things with Max are tense (again) and I've sort of had it with what feels like some game playing an manipulation on Max's end to get what he wants and punish me at the same time. good times.

sigh.

love to you all
s

I Iz Purty Happity

Mom and I had a wonderful meal yesterday at Joe’s for her birthday. It was good to see her; I appreciate the growth in our relationship very much. It’s nice to have a momma again. Bummer news from yesterday though is that Jim’s dad has fallen ill and is in the hospital so they may be going to CA to visit him, which means we’d end up watching Abbey & Hannah and that’s totally cool with me. Abbey is like the coolest dog ever and Hannah is like the goofiest dog ever so between them both you get some silliness. Plus it’ll be a good dry run for when we are ready to get dogs.

Max has the day off today as the upper classmen are doing the ACT tests, so I put his butt to work on the yard while I am at work. He’s pretty put out at the idea that I would actually expect him to do yard work at all, let alone on his day off instead of out tooling around with his friends on their bikes. That’s ok, he can be put off. I am chalking it up to teen angst and letting him get over it….while he’s raking and gets the garbage from the back bagged and ready for disposal.

This weekend is looking busy in all kinds of fun ways, dinners, guitar browsing and yard work. All things I could get on board with. I’m anxious to get a guitar in my hands and start learning how to read sheet music, it seems like a skill I would need regardless. I’ve found someone I think might be good for giving me lessons through F and he only charges $25 for half an hour if I come to him, so maybe I think I can afford that once a week.

My hair also desperately need a trim but am still having a hard time finding someone I trust to actually touch my hair again. I’ve decided to grow it out, I like having long hair….makes me feel pretty and I’m on a mission to do things that make me feel pretty. I purchased some new bath items and make up that are very spring-ish and a few new peasant shirts as they always remind of spring. There is also the issue of shoes now with my leg, I can’t really wear heels or anything to chunky, so that does limit my selection a little. Famous Footwear has some adorable gladiator sandals I want and they are super sassy, so those are my spring shopping agenda as well. I wish I was closer to P or Crys because they are girly girls and then I would have someone to get mani/pedi’s with, go to Starbucks with and maybe browse the new spring collection at Kohl’s (which I like very much btw) and get their opinions on what looks good on me and what doesn’t. But alas, they are far away for the moment so I’ll do this stuff on my own. Which is a good thing, learning how to do things on your own with out the armor of a friend by your side at all times? So anyway, I am going to check out this new salon on 44th and see what they are all about, I have a coupon so we’ll see what they can do for me.

In other news, Dining Out For Life is coming up next week and though I am not volunteering this year my office is going to a burrito place in Thornton for the event. The timing was a little off for me this year. Luckily, Project Angel Heart will be participating at the People’s Fair and PrideFest in June and I am working with the volunteer coordinator to participate in those events. Max is giving me little hints that he’s interested in participating as well, so we’ll see if he actually signs up when the time comes. We are also trying to get folks involved with FurryScurry sponsored by the Denver Dumb Friends league, so we’ll see how that pans out. I have two people with doggeh’s who are interested in participating and I told them that I need a doggie of my own to walk that day, but have yet to find a fur baby I can borrow and there’s NO way I’m putting Gaia on a leash and parading her big butt all over Washington Park. She’d be absolutely mortified 

So life feels pretty good and rewarding. I have days where I really miss my friends and family who are so far away and I’m still chubby and that’s bothering me and probably always will, but for the most part, I am not finding it to hard to feel gratitude at the moment and that is a blessed thing.

Happy Earth Day my friends!

Weekend was really enjoyable, busy, but enjoyable. Matty & Amanda braved the storm to come over for pizza and silly what not’s. I really like Amanda, she is a good egg and has herself way more together then I did at her age. Good for her. Matty looks pretty good all things considered, he’s a trooper and is about as positive as one could get about the whole situation. I love his new cane; as long as he doesn’t chase me with it we’ll be fine. Everyone cross their fingers for a swift recovery from radiation this week, I’ll keep you posted on that front.

Saturday I did some work-work and some house work. Sunday was more of the same, nothing terribly eventful but busy. But this week looks busier then last. I forget how quickly schedules begin to fill up when the weather starts to get warmer. Kim, Nick & Baby Quinn are over for dinner Friday night, Winter Park boy may be in town this week in which case I’m sure we’ll get together and I’m supposed to go with F to look at guitars as he’s the perfect guy to ask for guidance on such subjects. The month of May looks like more of the same and I could see me settling into a pattern this summer of good times with Max and friends AND good times with me. It’s good when we focus on ourselves; it gives us the energy to give of ourselves to others.

I’m also really looking forward to Crystal’s visit over Memorial Day. We go through spurts of being uber connected via phone/text/email and that lulls at times with busy schedules and not enough hours in the day between the two of us. However, even in those lulls I don’t ever really feel disconnected from her and I believe the fact that we’ve had at least one visit per year since she’s moved to Seattle has helped to maintain that bond. I know that her visits to CO are always filled with more people to see in a day then she has days, but she always makes lots of extra time for me and I am grateful to her for that. I know this visit will be extra special since she’s staying at my house and my main concern is that she is comfortable. Dane and I have been talking more also and that’s been really good. The married Dane and the Dane I know from CO are vastly changed beings and I am enjoying getting to know him again here and there. I’ve decided I will call him more often, he seems to respond to that and maybe he just needed a little nudge. I am blessed to have friendships with both of them as individuals and as a couple.

After Crystal’s visit I’m hoping to get to Albuquerque to see Paula. If 4th of July does pan out, Max and I will probably take that whole week off and go on our own mini vacation of CO before heading out to P’s for 4th of July weekend. If I can afford it, I think I’d like to hit Ouray and head over to Pagosa Springs and do some hiking and maybe horseback riding. Max will love it.

As for other travel plans, sadly I don’t see us getting out of CO this year. My savings account simply doesn’t have adequate funds to commit to it, nor will it by end of year. Not to mention my PTO from work. I’m down almost 5 full days from last year due to my injury and subsequent time on the couch. I also used some during the move, so I’ve got about 6 left which isn’t much for the rest of the year. A minor annoyance really, but it could’ve been so much worse. I am still unbelievably thank full at how that whole situation turned out. Anyway, July is probably our big vacation for the year and that’s it.

Mj will be out of school soon which always presents its own challenges. I’m anxious about him being busy during the day as summers are prime for trouble, I’m encouraging him to find a job and he’ll have summer school for English from last semester. If he doesn’t bomb in Math this semester, he’ll get to do summer school online. If not, it’ll be the real deal in an actual class every day. It’s a huge motivator for him, that’s for sure. The idea of sitting in a class room a few hours a day when he should be “off” I know is a bit of a kick in the rear for him. He’s working so hard, he really is….he just struggles on tests and 75% of his grade is test grade in this Math class. I never really know how to help him on the test taking itself. He clearly knows the material, his homework assignments are always A’s and B’s. I think he rushes through the tests (like just about anything school related because there ARE far more important things to do like ride BMX with Steven or talk to Tasha on the phone LOL) and doesn’t check his work when he’s done. We are working on slowwwwing it down for the dear boy and that does seem to help some. We’ll see, math still could be in his summer school future if he doesn’t pull it together in the next 4 weeks.

In other Max news his visit w/ his father doesn’t seem to have any negative lasting effects. In fact, it seems the opposite. We had a few days of snotty comments and abrasive remarks, but that was expected and momma bear didn’t growl too much. Otherwise, he’s been great. Very helpful, communicative, not quite so withdrawn and generally I’d say we’ve got a pretty happy teenager on our hands. I also suspect some of it is the house, he’s really happy there. We are happy there together. He’s changing so much, sometimes I get these glimpses of him as an adult and I just hope he and I will remain close on some level throughout his life so I get to be around to see him grow into the really special dood I think he’s going to be. I expect we will honestly, it’s hard to believe we’d go through so much together and NOT stay close after the initial “get out of my life Mom” phase. He’s talking about La Crosse next year at school, let’s hope he goes for it…Max is such an athlete; I do hope he gives it a shot.

The moisture from last week has made everything absolutely gorgeous already and now comes a favorite time of year of mine in Colorado. Spring here can be incredible, especially if we get a bunch of weather in April, which we have. So, I am eager to get the yard cleaned up and planted. That’s kind of on my agenda in my ‘spare’ time this week. One of my favorite things about this house is that I don’t feel like I am constantly scrubbing, wiping, shinning or otherwise hunched over things trying to make it sparkle. One small bathroom to clean, one kitchen, one level. The floor is super easy, a sweep it every few days and wash it with vinegar once a week or so. It’s super easy to keep clean and I love it, it leaves me with so much more free time for which anyone would be happy I’m sure.

Pumpkin is hanging in there, she’s sleeping a lot and it’s clear she’s kind of at the end, but I think she is comfortable. No seizures for 3 weeks now I want to say? She’s such a special animal, I will surely miss her when the time comes but I think we are both more comfortable with how things are going right now. I think we both know it’s going to be any time now, it might be days or weeks….but soon. I can feel it and I’ve not been able to say that before which is why the decision to euthanize her has been so hard.

Work is good. I had a mini meltdown this weekend about whether or not I can really swing this .Net stuff now that it’s in my lap. I got here today, it’s really tough stuff…I’m not going to pretend I’m NOT struggling with the learning curve. But I expected that and my employers and fellow developers are more patient then I am with myself. I require knowledge and experience on a subject to feel confident that I know what I am doing. That will take time. I’ll get there. Rome wasn’t built in a day or some such cliché.

Today is the 10th anniversary of Columbine. It’s still pretty difficult to digest; especially when you’ve heard the tapes and read the transcripts and now that the detail has all come to the surface. It’s pretty horrifying. For all of us, I’m sure those not living in Co can feel it as well. Those moments never fade from your memory, the shock of those experiences live through you pretty authentically for a life time I imagine. Every generation has them and they should be acknowledged so that those kids and teachers know they are loved and not forgotten. Every year my heart breaks for those families who lost their loved ones and that heart break makes me remember. Those kids deserve that at the very least.

wow, Friday alllzready?

This week flew by in a flurry of activity (ha, made that funny again P!) and I can’t believe it’s Friday already? I love it. It’s not that I wish to squander my days away; I just enjoy being productive and learning things. Work picked up considerably this week and that always does wonder for my mood. My mind thrives on activity, it craves it…desires it like the heart desires love. So I tend to get a little buzz when work is keeping that part of my brain active and over all I’m a lot happier. This simply reiterates that a valuable work experience really does affect ones life on all levels; we spend 2/3’s of our work days doing it so it should be something that keeps us motivated to get up and can back and do it again the next day.

However, I love it when the weeks fly by because I love my weekends the best. Especially now that the crappy part of moving is over and I’m pittering and making my home “mine.” I am so enjoying the vibe there, the bathroom is finally under control (thanks repairman Rick, you rock!) and my room is really coming along nicely. It really does feel like home there, I don’t know if it’s because it’s more lived in or if it’s cuz I am not as stressed about the financial aspects of managing it or what, but whatever it is it is pretty clear that Max and I are bouncy bunnies about the whole situation. We’ve both been a lot less stressed over all since the move (sans the funk sludge that tried to swallow me earlier this month) and I see it as a positive trend.

For the house: I bought pumpkin, butternut and acorn squash seeds and am working on rooting them. I planted 2 more new house plants and they seem happy. One is a prayer plant and I love it when I go to sleep it’s all folded up in prayer and when the sun comes out, it comes alive and opens back up to greet it. Someone was thinking when they made that plant, like “A HA, this will get the attention of those silly humans and their short attention spans! Look at what a lovely representation of life this plant is!”

Today we are supposed to get about a foot of very wet, April snow that only happens in Colorado as far as I know. It’s the kind that will make driving challenging and being outside sort of off limits, but will also saturate the ground and make all the beautiful spring things come to life. Its 35 today, 60 on Sunday. This truly is the only place I’ve ever lived that is consistently inconsistent. One of our DBA’s just moved here from Nepal in summer 2008. Not only is she just adorable in general (very petite, dark complexion and thick accent with that kind of glimmer in her eye I’ve noticed people from other countries seem to have) her facial expressions and comments when the weather whips up a new surprise for us are truly hysterical. I probably shouldn’t laugh, I’m sure she’s tired of that by now. It’s hard not to though, she’s just so damn cute. You can tell she is genuinely shocked by the fact that it can be 68 on Tuesday and raining/snowing by Thursday night. Like it’s inconceivable even though it is happening. I think this strange coming from someone who lived near the Himalaya mountain range and we all know mountains are a huge weather pattern forming force, but she said the weather is pretty consistent unless you get up on the mountain itself. Huh. Weird.

I remember a real noticeable thing for me when we lived in San Francisco was the seemingly huge lack of weather. Northern California is absolutely beautiful, it is after all on its’ way to becoming Oregon and Washington state so it starts out just as beautifully as it ends. Problem is, in San Fran it’s like humid and hot or humid and mild or humid and kind of chilly, but never really like COLD. The range of temperature there can’t be any more then 20 degree’s in between seasons, where as here you could see that range of temperature in the same day. Wisconsin is the flip side of CA obviously....humid and hot for about one month per year and then it’s like humid and cool, cooler and cold! Colorado is like the bi polar state, one or the other. Up down all over the place, perfect for me  As much as I long to be closer to the ocean and my people in the Northern Pacific, I sure do love Colorado.

So since it’s going to be snowing through tomorrow I’ll probably be holed up in the house this weekend puttering some more. I am determined to create the perfect pumpkin patch in the backyard so I have more research to do on that. I also need to write some letters and download some music and organize my iPod. It really needs some love and since I’ve been working out/walking again it really needs to be updated. Even 30 different play lists can get old believe it or not. I am always hungry for new music. I did get the new Incubus and Foo Fighters from Kristen so I’m listening to that on cd in my car (gasp, CD? What’s that….?) and 101.5 pretty regularly. Hey guys at 101.5.....work on your transmission strength, music kicks ass but reception is sketchy at best!

Oh I also plan to do some cooking this weekend. Peppers were on sale at King Soopers, so I went crazy and bought 3 of each color…12 total LOL. I am going to make some salsa, pasta and salmon with red pepper pesto. Max will turn his nose up at all of these things, because this is not “man” food. Man food = meat in all of its possible forms, potatoes, anything fried and copious amounts of chocolate cake or ice cram. No vegetable shall pass his lips unless it’s in the form of a carrot, ice burg lettuce only w/ ranch, green beans, corn and if loaded with butter….brussell sprouts. Yes, my son, the pickiest eater on the planet loves brussel sprouts. But vegetables not on the before mentioned list are off limits. Which includes peppers. So my menu for the weekend will also have to include something for the poor starving child to eat. I also bought a bunch of different types of mushrooms AND he won’t even consider a mushroom, so I am in double trouble. Fungus is a favorite of mine, I worship the mushroom. I think it’s a beautiful little creature and particularly enjoy them in soups, stews, stir fry, omelets and pasta. And 100% raw in salads. Max knows this all to well so if mushrooms of any sort are on the fridge, he will be scanning his dinner plate for any rogue mushroom bits that might’ve made it onto his plate. Even though I’ve always made sure his food is what he likes, while encouraging him to try new things here and there and would never DREAM of sneaking a mushroom in on him, he’s not convinced and has to verify this for himself by picking. I learned the mushroom thing with this kid at about age 3…..mushrooms and spaghetti sauce, NOT toddler friendly food. I like to avoid gagging at my dinner table, thanks though. I will enjoy them this weekends meals sure enough for both of us, he’ll get over it.

I’ve been eating mega veggies this week…funny thing about vegetables, they truly are a feast for all the senses. I also notice that my complexion takes on a slightly less pale tone, like you know….…it’s happy or something! In fact, I’ve had 5 solid days of uber healthy food intake (sans the chocolate truffle blizzard I had from DQ last night that I treated myself for being such a good girl and not cussing out the doctor performing yesterdays procedure) and the house is stocked full of good things, even a few low cal sweets because I just can’t help it….I like chocolate. I like peanut butter. I like ice cream and things like that. And I shall have them………..in moderation. I’m tired of being frenemies with food. It and I shall become like one, a happy union of what’s good and good for me and I’m not going to feel guilty if I have a little bit of ice cream or a peanut butter and banana sandwich with chocolate syrup once in a while. I don’t feel guilty when I eat a plateful of salad and I LOVE salad. I don’t feel guilty when I eat a cup of berries and I LOVE berries. Why should I feel guilty when I have a little bit of low fat/cal sweet things? Or if I DO crave meat once in a while, what’s wrong with that? Nothing and I shouldn’t feel guilty about eating a little bit of everything. Poo poo on whomever it was that taught me to feel guilty when I eat. I suspect I know where it might’ve been brought to my attention. A seemingly innocuous comment made to me by a family member at the very tender and awkward age of 13 about being a “little piggy” at a bbq once set into motion 20 years of feeling like everyone thought I was fat and I am sure I was coddled with food as a very young child (like MOST American children are) so I already had “food” established as a comfort thing and then suddenly it was a bad thing and I was sure everyone thought I was fat and unlovable because I ate so much at that bib that one day. I’m so over it. Tired of fighting it. I’m never going to be a size 8 again, maybe not ever a size 10 or even a 12 again…..but I wasn’t healthy when I was those sizes either….let’s not forget I smoked about a pack of cigarettes a day and worked out neurotically. I ate very very little food, probably not enough to really survive on and food was DEFINITELY my enemy then. Then it became my friend again in recent years and I went to the other extreme of eating volumes of bad foods, not exercising my body…..oh but I quit smoking so that makes it all okay? Shyeahhhhhh, ok….I don’t see any monkey’s flying out of my butt so that CANNOT be a true statement. So finally, I am ready to strike up a healthy balance with food and my body. Can we please stop hating and start enjoying again? Thanks. Next subject.

I realize I’m rambling and I should probably get back to work….so off for now. Love to you all.

Weekend(s)

The mood has lifted (as I should always consider when ranting about it) as expected and my weekend was a mixed bag of personal joys, social interactions and communications from afar.

Thursday evening I had a lovely conversation with GramE. What a hip bunch of kids those Conlee grandfolk are! GramE’s energy sounded good and we enjoyed a solid visit. She always makes my eyes twinkle. I also cleaned house and spent a good portion of my evening playing games online, I’m addicted to this game called “QWERTY” on pogo.com.

Friday while Max was at school, I worked on my room, napped and watched Oprah. My bedroom is always my haven and it requires much nurturing to help it to become that, it’s getting there. I’m setting up a space to do yoga, I really do need a proper yoga mat and a band since I’m so out of the yoga loop, but I think I’ve got a nice space set up and I spotted a gorgeous 3 wick candle at Pier1 that I’d like to have in my yoga zone, if I could justify spending the money on it. It’s of the floor candle variety, which are generally well over $50.00, and that’s if they are on sale. I’ll keep my eyes out.

Saturday was more of the same, running errands, doing chores and puttering around the house. Max pissed and moaned about my taking up HIS morning with MY chores (ha) but we got through it and he went to Denver to skate with his buddies and I was left to a quiet house. More boxes of nick knacks unpacked, I found a jar of sand from Monterey Bay that Randall brought back for me years ago. I’d forgotten how dark that sand is. I can never forget how much I miss the beach, it’s all around me in my mind, but the sand itself always gives me a tangible closeness to it. So I put that little guy out, along with my sandcastles, shells, rocks and various pieces of drift wood. This morning as I prepared for my day and wondered through my home I felt such marvel at how almost quite literally I got what I asked for when I found out we’d be loosing the condo. Almost to the very tee. I am overcome by how giving and forgiving the Universe. These are the moments in life in which you might catch Sarah blushing.

Unfortunately, also on Saturday afternoon I got a piece of news from some dear friends and t fertilized my already seeded concerns about these financial times we are living in. I am fearful for this country and how we are going to survive this economy. I am fearful for the security of my own job to be quite frank, I’ve had some whispers of doubt recently about whether I may be next on the growing list of those I know who have been laid off or are unemployed. While I quickly chase those thoughts away, I can’t help but feel it is wise to at least acknowledge it as a possibility, whereas in the past I’ve never really felt that worried here about being laid off from my current employer. It would make sense to cut the fat to so to speak and since I am low man on the developer’s totem pole and someone else was just let go which almost NEVER happens here, it’s not something that would completely surprise me at this point either. I will work not to dwell on these thoughts and focus on the positives.

Saturday evening upon Max’s return from Denver, we proceeded to host an impromptu dinner at our house with Kristen’s family, including two of Bethany’s cousins who reminded me that our children (Bethany and Max) are not at all as close to rebellious or out of control as some teenagers are. Not even a little. Bethany and Max were like shinning little angels in comparison with these two, it was a little shocking. I’ve known these girls since they were born and they’ve grown into absolutely beautiful young women as we always suspected….but I’m appreciative of that fact that they aren’t living in my house, that’s all I can say. Kristen and I then spent the remainder of the evening drinking Captain & Coke, with one eye open on the 5 teenagers running rampant through our homes, dying Easter eggs and watching “Twilight.” Oh can I just say……………….now I totally get it! I’ll be adding that movie/book series to my wish list for sure. I know I’m like 15 years older then these characters, but let’s just say I can see the appeal of girls all over the planet. Now the rest of the world seems to have inherited my strong leanings toward pasty-blue/green-eyed-moody Brits! Yessss, victory is mine!

Easter Sunday it rained all day in Denver (very fitting after watching Twilight twice in one night) and Max and I spent oh…….probably about the whole day napping, snuggling, snacking, teasing the cats and watching the birds dive bomb bugs and worms. My son truly is my best buddy in so many ways, we hang out a lot together and I love that he’s 16 and not afraid to sit next to his momma on a rainy day with a blanket and some Chinese food and enjoy it with her. Lucky momma indeed!

And now the week begins…..plans/tasks as follows:
a) Walk/work out every day (except Sunday)
b) Get the repair dood out to the house to fix the tub, sink, toilet and light fixture in the office
c) File my taxes (slight problem with short term disability W2’s from last year and I’m still waiting from corporate on that)
d) Continue with unpacking/organizing
e) Bills/chores/blah blah blah
f) Figure out what to cook for four people that’s in my budget (my mom’s bday is the 21st)