I live in Colorado right now, it's the era of DNC. It's big news around here, you'd think you'd landed in Donkey Land. Which is ironic cuz Bronco's Haters call the Bronco's the Donkey's...but anyway.....
Michelle Obama's speech tonight rocked my world. She got up there, said what she needed to say and stood tall for her man and what she believes in. I almost cried (I am strangely void of emotion in recent months, perhaps I've cried out all my tears finally?) and made Max watch it, cuz it's a monumental time in our culture.
She was amazing, plain and simple. I would be honored to have her as our first lady, because in spite of what many people might say about my politics, I DO love this country and I DO appreciate all the sacrifice that has occurred in order for me to live as a young, single mother with an education and a great job in this culture. Yes, it could be better....but that's what life is, there's always room for improvement.
Well done, I salute you girl!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Meme ( as borrowed from Crystal)
Every day, I would like to:
1. Practice greatfullness, compassion & kindess.
2. Hug & Kiss my baby boy.
3. Excercise (preferrabley outside.)
4. Laugh
Every week, I would like to:
1. Visit with friends & family.
2. Nap in the middle of the afternoon.
3. Get to the mountains, ocean or other things nature.
4. Write at least 3 x's in my blogg, journal, poetry/short stories.
In three months, I would like to:
1. Have settled into a manageable and reasonable excercise regime to keep improving the health and strength of my body.
2. See Matt get out of the hospital.
3. Have found the perfect place to move to.
4. Give my attention and efforts to those in my life who need me.
Before next year, I would like to:
1. Loose 20 lbs and attended all physical therapy sessions.
2. Obtain my Microsoft Certification (.Net Developer.)
3. Begin rebuilding my life financially.
4. Get my ass to Red Rocks for a concert, it's been too long!
In two to five years, I would like to:
1. Begin helping Max look at life after high school.
2. Begin setting goals for myself after Max is out of high school.
3. Go on vacation outside of Colorado.
4. Committ to my next tattoo and begin that work.
Before I die, I would like to:
1. Fall in love again and possibley consider marriage.
2. Travel out of the country.
3. Visit my father's grave.
4. Work with homeless/battered women and children.
*********
Eight Things: A Meme
8 things I am passionate about:
- Tolerance
- Compassion
- Kindness
- Love
- The Pursuit Of Knowledge
- Animals
- Children
- World Peace
8 books I've read and enjoyed:
- The Tao Te Ching (Many versions)
- Eat, Pray, Love
- This Much I Know Is True
- The Prophet
- The Time Traveler's Wife
- Blue Shoes
- When The Messenger Is Hot
- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
8 words/phrases that I say often:
- DOOD!
- It is what it is.
- Max or Max James!
- Gaia, you are a BAD KITTY! That's MY potpie, bad Mr. Kitty!
- Wow
- Yes
- Thank You
- Please
8 things I want to do before I die:
- Travel all over the world.
- Work/volunteer with animals.
- Have completed a quarter sleeve on my right arm.
- See my son find love and marry.
- See my grandchildren into the world.
- Have found forgiveness.
- Learn to ride a motorcycle.
- Go back to school.
8 things I've learned in my life:
- Change is the only consistent permanent.
- The people you love in life can be gone in an instant.
- Joy can be found in every day, even on the ones that don't feel so joyous.
- Time does heal, slowly but surely.
- Karma is a real thing and it doesn't mess around.
- Love isn't someting I can ever stop doing.
- Grab opportunities as they present themselves, even if you feel unsure of it.
- Trusting until you are given a reason not to isn't something I can ever give up on, but if you are given a reason not to, stop the trust, be done with it and move on.
8 places I want to see:
- New Zealand
- Rome
- New York
- India
- The Carribean
- Jamaica Mon
- Can Cun
- Brazil
8 things I currently want/need:
- For Matt to get stabilized
- Restful Sleep (sleeping w/a cast sucks)
- To get back to work
- To loose 20 lbs
- For Max to understand the basic importance of feeding the cats
- Someone to come help clean my house
- To be able to drive
- Sunlight
1. Practice greatfullness, compassion & kindess.
2. Hug & Kiss my baby boy.
3. Excercise (preferrabley outside.)
4. Laugh
Every week, I would like to:
1. Visit with friends & family.
2. Nap in the middle of the afternoon.
3. Get to the mountains, ocean or other things nature.
4. Write at least 3 x's in my blogg, journal, poetry/short stories.
In three months, I would like to:
1. Have settled into a manageable and reasonable excercise regime to keep improving the health and strength of my body.
2. See Matt get out of the hospital.
3. Have found the perfect place to move to.
4. Give my attention and efforts to those in my life who need me.
Before next year, I would like to:
1. Loose 20 lbs and attended all physical therapy sessions.
2. Obtain my Microsoft Certification (.Net Developer.)
3. Begin rebuilding my life financially.
4. Get my ass to Red Rocks for a concert, it's been too long!
In two to five years, I would like to:
1. Begin helping Max look at life after high school.
2. Begin setting goals for myself after Max is out of high school.
3. Go on vacation outside of Colorado.
4. Committ to my next tattoo and begin that work.
Before I die, I would like to:
1. Fall in love again and possibley consider marriage.
2. Travel out of the country.
3. Visit my father's grave.
4. Work with homeless/battered women and children.
*********
Eight Things: A Meme
8 things I am passionate about:
- Tolerance
- Compassion
- Kindness
- Love
- The Pursuit Of Knowledge
- Animals
- Children
- World Peace
8 books I've read and enjoyed:
- The Tao Te Ching (Many versions)
- Eat, Pray, Love
- This Much I Know Is True
- The Prophet
- The Time Traveler's Wife
- Blue Shoes
- When The Messenger Is Hot
- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
8 words/phrases that I say often:
- DOOD!
- It is what it is.
- Max or Max James!
- Gaia, you are a BAD KITTY! That's MY potpie, bad Mr. Kitty!
- Wow
- Yes
- Thank You
- Please
8 things I want to do before I die:
- Travel all over the world.
- Work/volunteer with animals.
- Have completed a quarter sleeve on my right arm.
- See my son find love and marry.
- See my grandchildren into the world.
- Have found forgiveness.
- Learn to ride a motorcycle.
- Go back to school.
8 things I've learned in my life:
- Change is the only consistent permanent.
- The people you love in life can be gone in an instant.
- Joy can be found in every day, even on the ones that don't feel so joyous.
- Time does heal, slowly but surely.
- Karma is a real thing and it doesn't mess around.
- Love isn't someting I can ever stop doing.
- Grab opportunities as they present themselves, even if you feel unsure of it.
- Trusting until you are given a reason not to isn't something I can ever give up on, but if you are given a reason not to, stop the trust, be done with it and move on.
8 places I want to see:
- New Zealand
- Rome
- New York
- India
- The Carribean
- Jamaica Mon
- Can Cun
- Brazil
8 things I currently want/need:
- For Matt to get stabilized
- Restful Sleep (sleeping w/a cast sucks)
- To get back to work
- To loose 20 lbs
- For Max to understand the basic importance of feeding the cats
- Someone to come help clean my house
- To be able to drive
- Sunlight
Monday, August 18, 2008
How to not take things personally.....
My son had an assignment for school in which he was to prepare a "Me-Bag." This bag was to represent, amongst many other things, his favorite music, activities, experiences and people. He choose pictures, items from his room, songs from his iPod and so on to do so. He do a fairly thorough job and I was pleased with the effort he took in doing this assignment.
Except, that I couldn't help but notice that Max basically FILLED his entire photo album with pictures of his Dad and his Dad's family.
HUH? WTF?
Ok ok, so I shouldn't take this personally. Max has the right to feel how he feels about his Dad and his Dad's family, however delusional (doh, that wasn't very nice was it?) Alot of his memories of them are very "fun" memories in that they only get to DO the FUN stuff with Max, like take him on vacations to Florida and spend the money they make on buying him toys and gadgets and other things instead of things like you know, food and making sure he has health insurance. They are grandparents, that's what they get to do! Lucky lucky. I realize that, I get it. But it's hard to deny that it hurt me that there was not a single picture of me or my family in that album. Not a SINGLE one.
UM, HELLO!
It's no secret that Max basically can't stand me half the time right now. I represent all that is fundmentally obnoxious in his world right now. Responsibility, accountability and the glaring truth that this little family we've created may be minus the "traditional" aspects of a family, but that we still love each other and stick by each other no matter what and that sometimes means that I screw up to. Clearly, I am not the picture of perfection. That's fair. Totally.
BUT.....
Not even one photo of the several hundred of he and I? I'm like okay so the last almost 17 years (I have to count the time I was actually pregnant with the boy becuase that was pretty intense too) have little relevance in the mind of a self-absorbed teenager when he's discussing the most notable moments of his life thus far with his classmates.
So how does a mom NOT take that personally?
Except, that I couldn't help but notice that Max basically FILLED his entire photo album with pictures of his Dad and his Dad's family.
HUH? WTF?
Ok ok, so I shouldn't take this personally. Max has the right to feel how he feels about his Dad and his Dad's family, however delusional (doh, that wasn't very nice was it?) Alot of his memories of them are very "fun" memories in that they only get to DO the FUN stuff with Max, like take him on vacations to Florida and spend the money they make on buying him toys and gadgets and other things instead of things like you know, food and making sure he has health insurance. They are grandparents, that's what they get to do! Lucky lucky. I realize that, I get it. But it's hard to deny that it hurt me that there was not a single picture of me or my family in that album. Not a SINGLE one.
UM, HELLO!
It's no secret that Max basically can't stand me half the time right now. I represent all that is fundmentally obnoxious in his world right now. Responsibility, accountability and the glaring truth that this little family we've created may be minus the "traditional" aspects of a family, but that we still love each other and stick by each other no matter what and that sometimes means that I screw up to. Clearly, I am not the picture of perfection. That's fair. Totally.
BUT.....
Not even one photo of the several hundred of he and I? I'm like okay so the last almost 17 years (I have to count the time I was actually pregnant with the boy becuase that was pretty intense too) have little relevance in the mind of a self-absorbed teenager when he's discussing the most notable moments of his life thus far with his classmates.
So how does a mom NOT take that personally?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Why I Love Colorado.....
Snow in summer.
Yes folks, they are forecasting SNOW on Friday & Saturday, even though it is 90 degree's today, we are supposedly going to see thunder snow this weekend which is quite the event if you've never experienced it. It's sort of eery actually, because snow has this isolating effect for me and then there's this ominous booming from up above from no obvious source....it's sort of disorienting. BUT very cool and I enjoy it in all it's disorienting glory.
Very cool and this, is Why I *Heart* Colorado. It's about as back assward as I am:)
Yes folks, they are forecasting SNOW on Friday & Saturday, even though it is 90 degree's today, we are supposedly going to see thunder snow this weekend which is quite the event if you've never experienced it. It's sort of eery actually, because snow has this isolating effect for me and then there's this ominous booming from up above from no obvious source....it's sort of disorienting. BUT very cool and I enjoy it in all it's disorienting glory.
Very cool and this, is Why I *Heart* Colorado. It's about as back assward as I am:)
Monday, August 11, 2008
Forgiveness
I am not sleeping well, so I am doing a lot of reading. Staying up until all hours of the night reading and I'll tell you, reading until 3 AM can have a strong affect on ones mental state. Life already feels pretty dream like as it is, so all this "input" until the wee hours of the night can do a number on a girl.
On my mind lately is forgiveness. Last night I had this moment that was so painfully clear I can hardly believe it took me THIS long to let it come to the forfront:
Forgivness may be the only way for me to ever fully find happiness and clarity within. I've always forgiven on the premis that it is just what is the right thing to do, I honestly am not sure I've spent any real time thinking of the ultimate implications for how forgiving others affects me. To some degree yes, but last night's moment was definately one of "this just might be it girl, keep digging that direction!"
I love those moments, it's part of what makes me feel alive.
On my mind lately is forgiveness. Last night I had this moment that was so painfully clear I can hardly believe it took me THIS long to let it come to the forfront:
Forgivness may be the only way for me to ever fully find happiness and clarity within. I've always forgiven on the premis that it is just what is the right thing to do, I honestly am not sure I've spent any real time thinking of the ultimate implications for how forgiving others affects me. To some degree yes, but last night's moment was definately one of "this just might be it girl, keep digging that direction!"
I love those moments, it's part of what makes me feel alive.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Communication
I've recently ran into some minor communication blunders that have puzzled me. I consider myself a fairly capable communicator. I am comfortable communicating on large social levels as well as in one on one scenarios. I enjoy interactions with others a great deal and because part of my personality is so clearly extroverted, I enjoy (at times) processing externally and/or having interactions with others in which they are processing or problem solving with me externally.
However, there was a time in my life, where I felt I spent almost to much time explaining myself. Defending what I meant by this comment or that look so as to avoid confusions with others. I would find myself apologizing and feeling really guilty, wondering if someone had misunderstood me and as a result would have hurt feelings or end up disliking me in some manner.
Through the years, I've felt less inclined to do so. Partly, I believe, because age and experience has provided me with more confidence and I find myself putting MUCH less energy into what others think of me. Time has given me some room to observe others and myself both socially and interpersonally and I have learned to be less concerned about how my communications may be perceived by others as I guess I just generally believe that others will know my intentions are not ill intended or otherwise contain hidden messages of any kind.
However, I am finding out that like all things, there is sort of a balance of the two extremes. How does one articulate confidently, efficiently and effectively without somehow miscommunicating the intended message? I recongize that there are many other factors to consider: Body language, tone of voice, etc...I am wondering if that is where I need to focus my efforts more lately? Or, perhaps I've just gotten lazy and simply assumed that others are going to KNOW what I mean by my messages.
All I know, is that in as many time weeks I've had at least 3 or 4 communications that somehow went awry and I managed to upset, catch off guard or otherwise peeve good friends off without my even knowing I'd done so.
Maybe all the alone time is turning me into a crazy cat lady, one who's loosing touch with her human counterparts. Soon I'll be all like "Meow meow,meow mowoooww?"
:)
However, there was a time in my life, where I felt I spent almost to much time explaining myself. Defending what I meant by this comment or that look so as to avoid confusions with others. I would find myself apologizing and feeling really guilty, wondering if someone had misunderstood me and as a result would have hurt feelings or end up disliking me in some manner.
Through the years, I've felt less inclined to do so. Partly, I believe, because age and experience has provided me with more confidence and I find myself putting MUCH less energy into what others think of me. Time has given me some room to observe others and myself both socially and interpersonally and I have learned to be less concerned about how my communications may be perceived by others as I guess I just generally believe that others will know my intentions are not ill intended or otherwise contain hidden messages of any kind.
However, I am finding out that like all things, there is sort of a balance of the two extremes. How does one articulate confidently, efficiently and effectively without somehow miscommunicating the intended message? I recongize that there are many other factors to consider: Body language, tone of voice, etc...I am wondering if that is where I need to focus my efforts more lately? Or, perhaps I've just gotten lazy and simply assumed that others are going to KNOW what I mean by my messages.
All I know, is that in as many time weeks I've had at least 3 or 4 communications that somehow went awry and I managed to upset, catch off guard or otherwise peeve good friends off without my even knowing I'd done so.
Maybe all the alone time is turning me into a crazy cat lady, one who's loosing touch with her human counterparts. Soon I'll be all like "Meow meow,meow mowoooww?"
:)
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