Yes Indoodly Deedy......

I am sharing these quotes with you today....

"Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men."
--Goethe
Because Max's unwavering ability to dream big that bubbles brightly from his youth and obvious kindness inspires me, he inspires me every single day we share together....

Don't fight a problem, solve it!
--Millard Fuller
Founder of Habitat for Humanity International
Because Chance firmly subscribes to this principle and feverently encourages me to do the same when I am whining.....

If things are not going well with you, begin your
effort at correcting the situation by carefully
examining the service you are rendering, and
especially the spirit in which you are rendering it.
--Roger Babson
Because my behaviors may cause others question, but my spiritual journey is very much centered on the growth of my spirit and how it is rendered to the Universe and those whom inhabit it, which includes every bruise, bump and trip up along the way....

The reason a dog has got so many friends is
because its tail waggles and not its tongue.
-Anonymous
Because gossip and spreading people's business is far more dangerous than one might think.....

Busy Bee's

Not much time to write, hopefully tomorrow or very soon I will have time to post my most recent train of thought....

much love all
~ Mango

Finally....

A weekend to myself. A weekend to do as I wish, with my time. We have plans of course, to clean and spend time perking up our every evoloving home a bit...but thank the Good Goddess that life has finally given me the opportunity to breathe and take some comfort in all my efforts.

I am also looking forward to some time with CMan, I miss him. We've had a rough week only b/c I think we are both a little stressed, overworked, underpaid and maybe just maybe we don't really with one another the value and importance of our love. Perhaps we've allowed some very negative distractions too close to home and have some healing to do?

I also have some lovely candles and incense I've been waiting to burn, our house in deeply in need of some cleansing.

All fairs well, not a complaint or gripe.

My only current primary concern is that of the mid-term elections, I am already feeling anxiety over the potential outcomes and locally, I think the fires are already being stoked as the advertisements for my vote have already begun.

My requests as a citizen are pretty basic, common sense stuff really....I'm not sure why that's so difficult to comprehend or achieve.

That part makes me sad:(

But otherwise, on a personal level, life is good the weekend promises to be lovely.

Much love all, catch ya on the flip side
~ Mango

Celebrate Summer Solstice!

Warmest wishes to all on this blessed day, the longest of the year and a day in which we take a moment to acknowledge the power of the sun and the life it bestows upon us!

For Mah Aunty MB (Cuz I love you!)

Aunty,

Here are some much promised pictures, I am sorry it took forever but I am a busy busy woman and admittedly a slacker who takes her sweet time doing just about EVERYTHING...BUT I got a too cool new camera phone (oh boy oh boy oh boy!) which is also an MP3 player and has everything a geeky-girl like myself might appreciate on it...except I've not had much time to play with it all, so we are still figure it out...

BUT...I have some pics for you, as promised. Now the floggings may cease....temporarily at least;)

This is Max at his tournament this weekend, he's wearing the White Jersey and blocking this punk kid (they lost) heading straight toward him.


This is Chance....becuase he refuses to give me a nice smile and show the world is gorgeous eyes, I am posting this very manly, lovely image of him smooching my favorite little Pumpkin Kitty. Hopefully, this will teach him to mind...but I doubt it:)

PS: This Pumpkin Kittie's favored location, otherwise it's the knee....

This is Max looking especially teenagerish in the back of my beloved Baby Jetta.

There will be more to come and I am sure the quality will increase as I figure out the best settings and what not, but have no fear...you will now have pics galore.

Love
Sarah

At the risk of sounding ungrateful for each and every lovely breath bestowed upon me by the grace of the Goddess, I am happy that this week is over. Exuberant. Really.

It's been a long one, some stress, some drama but mostly I am just looking forward to spending some time with my men-folk. Though the weekend is proving busy as ever, I it will be busy being healthy and focusing on that which deserves every ounce of my focus.

Max has a soccer tournament this weekend.
Saturday we have a 10 AM game & 3:30 PM.
Sunday, 9:30 AM & 3:30 (if they place, they play the afternoon, otherwise Sunday afternoon is all ours)

This afternoon, I plan to do a little shopping and then go home and watch my "Meeting People Is Easy" DVD from Netflix. For those of you who have don't know, this is a Radiohead rocumentary directed by Grant Gee and I've never been able to rent it anywhere until now, bless you Netflix, you are my hero. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00000IPG9/103-8846372-3765434?v=glance&n=130

Also, for those of you who don't know (duh, if you know me, you know this) Radiohead would be in heavy rotation on "Sarah's Life: The Soundtrack." You may also find my favorite indie rockers like Natalie Merchant and Coldplay, a dose of Massive Attack/Portishead trip-hop, a good healthy portion of 90's and early 2000's hip-hop rap (yo) and round it off with all my classics ranging from Supertramp & Tesla or maybe a little 80's Depeche Mode doh and don't don't don't forget to sprinkle my favorite, late night, boogey down girl beats...some good ole fashion, bass booming in your heart, tempo making your mind crazy....Techno like Mr. Paul Oakenfoald or ATB. Can't forget Bruce Cochburn and Francis Dunnery, ala Chances influence. Yep yep uh huh, woo hoo:) It would take me years to get all this stuff into one collection and probably a few brains cells.

~ shakes it off ~

That was a nice tangent, but now I am of course thinking of how long it's been since I did some mixing and burned some cd's. It's due time I'd say, really though...really what's on the forefront of my musical mind are 2 things:

1) ipod nano....ipod nano....IPOD NANO people!
It's rare that I pine for something material, I mean sure I might want something shiny to wear on my person or those cute chunky shoes or a new tattoo, but I am rarely impulsive enough to just go buy it (even if I have the money) because I want it. I generally have to make myself buy stuff out of need, this is probably due to being poor and a single Mom for almost half of my life now. But this IPOD thing, this is different. It is more like desire, dare I say lust for a thing. Now I've had lust before for "things", my Baby Jetta being one. I got it, hee hee...yay me. I still love "it" and "it' has become more like a friend to me then a "thing" and I still love the purple dashboard lights, the sunroof, power everything and um...the Turbo. Yes. Turbo's are good. Anyway anyway...back to my IPOD lust. The point is that I rarely want something this badly, but I REALLY want this and while this may sound very spoiled, I almost always get what I want. Eventually. You know why? Cuz I don't really want/need/ask for much AND Cuz I am the Independent Mango Momma, complete with her own money and J.O.B. and ability to get what she wants all by her bad self. But, *wink* C has hinted that he knows how badly I want this "thing" and that he might be inclined to "help" me buy it, except that he would get to use it "once in a while." There's always a catch (frown) I share EVERYTHING with EVERYONE....but there a precious few items that are mine..mine...mine. MINE! Yes, I was raised an only child and no, I don't like to share. This is one of those "things" that will be MINE, mine to customize my playlists and keep Chance's weird Dennis Leary stuff away, bad.

2) Studio Equipment In The Basement
Long ago I dreamed of Rock-Stardom, I could've been Gwen Stefani (hiccup, put down that martini Sarah, jeesh!) in another life time. But alas, I now do not have th waistline or even the stomach for it. The complete and utter lack of privacy would probably drive me right into the arms of a straight-jacket AND fighting with record-labels, oh that would be bad. I would end up some eccentric, reclusive artist like Prince or Andy Warhol. BUT....my passion for music still burns brightly and how I wish I had just a few simple items, a mixing board, a mic and an amp. And some sound proofing so we don't make the neighbors more annoyed with our loudness.

Ok, so #1 is more reasonable then #2 in terms of expenses but really I cannot have either at the moment so I will stop whining and going back to mere daydreams about IPOD playlists (mine - Enter Finding Nemo) and rocking out in the privacy of my own home with my mic and my tambourine and belting out crackly versions of my favorite songs through the amp.

~ shakes it off ~

Ok, enough day dreaming...I have half an hour of work left, for shame that I would write in my blogg on a Friday afternoon at work but hey, that's what I get paid the not-so-big bucks for right? To bust my a$$ through the week and slack a little on Friday afternoon?

Did I mention there is hardly a soul in the office today? Myself and one other gal are the only two developers here, it's wicked quiet and I enjoy that...but it also makes me want to run like the wind and go go go GO home! ;-P

Happy weekend all, much love and hopefully, some day soon, maybe for my Aunty MB I'll have some pics of MJ to get up here...maybe, if she's a good Aunty:)

:)

Accountability

Acknowledging accountability for ones behaviors, actions and decisions can be a difficult burden to endure.

Accountability for the positive achievements in life, is easy for some, not so for others.
Some are often embarrassed when others reference their achievements,
other times they can be filled with acceptance and pride for their diligence and effort in achieving those accomplishments.

Either way, acceptance of ones positive outcomes is a much simpler task then admitting to ones mistakes.

Accountability for a known (intentional or unintentional) negative impact on another or oneself, that's a much more painful and potential embarrassing journey.
It requires effort and energy, holding yourself accountable.
It requires honesty. With yourself and with others.
It requires looking inward at your own wrongdoings.
It requires getting real with yourself and those you have harmed.
It requires facing the reality, rather than running away or living in denial within.

It requires courage, but it's a nessisity courage.
The kind of courage a conscious heart must muster in order to heal.
Heal ones heart and spirit and the heart and spirit of another.

If you have abused, you are accountable.
If you owe money, you are accountable.
If you have taken advantage of the hospitality and good will of others, you are accountable.
If you lie, manipulate or purposefully coerce, you are accountable.
If you have emotionally drained, damaged or hurt another, you are accountable.
If you have pandered opportunity, you are accountable.
If you pre-emptively invaded a country based on false pretenses and kill hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians, you are definitely accountable.

Our experiences in this life time, be it positive or painful, are part of our growth experience. These experiences help us develop into the spirits we are ever evolving into, sometimes those experiences adversely effect others, sometimes we succeed and reach a pinnacle moment in our development, sometimes we inflict a damage that cannot be undone.

Sometimes we are forgiven, sometimes we are not.

But one thing I believe for certain, is that we are always held accountable in some fashion or another for our actions. Whether it is receiving a bonus for a job well done, a bill going to collections because we didn't bother to pay it or when those we've mistreated rebel and let us know how we are accountable to them, at some point, I definitely believe it comes full circle.

Someday, there are dealings with that I will be held accountable for. Most likely with my child the child within me, he is a glorious being for which I should be grateful but have not always been able to honor out of selfishness. The pig-tailed little Sarah, her owies seems still fresh some days and fully scabbed over the next, the healing never seems to end and when she thinks she might be reaching a place of comfort, some white blinding flash of pain reminds her that she her owies are still tender for the mistakes she made.

Everyday, I am certainly held accountable and responsible for my very own existence.
Going to work every day so that I may achieve a goal set by my clients, for which I am then held accountable for.
Going to work every day so that I may support my family and my home, for which I am then held accountable for.
Going home every day and working just as hard as I do at my day job, so that I may achieve goals set by myself and collectively by those I love.
Going home every day and working just as hard as I do at my day job, so that I may enjoy the environment I am striving to create.
Loving my child and working to be a better mother to him than the day before.
Loving my partner and working to be a partner to him than the day before.
Striving to live consciously and wholly.
Striving to live completely and spiritually.

And on and on and on...every day, we are all spinning in a wheel of accountability and responsibility.

It's pretty simple stuff, accountability, responsibility, facing the very reality of every day life and exploring yourself within, living by the core rules that are written so boldly on our hearts....living with a conscious, living with integrity and listening to your heart. The responsibility of your heart and spirit, what you hear it saying and letting it guide you.

I suspect there is a much greater ease in living in this manner, fighting it only seems to bring upon the sort of accountability that severs friendships and creates tensions in our culture.

My hope is that I can continue to work toward this goal rather than away from it.
My hope is that we can all hold ourselves accountable internally and see how that manifests externally.
My hope is that those who are struggling with their own wrongdoings, that they will be held accountable justly and fairly, without excessive harshness.
My hope is that our Global Community can hold itself accountable and that we will survive.

It Saddens Me

It saddens me that when I draw boundaries with people, when they have explicitly and clearly crossed the line, there is instant attitude and defensiveness. I understand that because I have not been consistent in my messages in the past, that I am responsible for how people treat me and I am working through that, but it still makes me sad.

Sad that I should bare the brunt their anger because I stood up for myself. That I then become the outcast, the scapegoat, the "bad guy", no longer a "true-friend."

Saddens me even more that I've always know that might be the case if I were to ever put my foot down and what does that say about the friendship in the first place?

Mostly, what's probably the saddest of all...is that I just don't care all that much. It's not keeping me up at night knowing that they are angry at me or that I might not be a part of their lives any more. I love these people, but I can no longer find the room in my spirit to allow them to treat me poorly and take advantage of me and when I expressed this through my actions and directly verbally, the friendship became unstable.

This is the very sort of social drama I am working to disengage from. I simply don't have the energy, not to mention that it is not conducive to healthy friendships or healthy people within those respective friendships.

I'm just sort of done with it. If this means that I at some point am down to a very small, select few group with whom I interact on only rare occasions, so be it. I am sort of ready for that in many ways as I can clearly see how I've allowed myself to be distracted by many and the quality of those distractions was low to moderate at best.

I am shifting again, I feel it. Growing, becoming my "self." I did this at about 24 or 25. It was an intensely spiritual journey in many ways and I find the seeds of such in my heart at the moment. I made choices in friendships during that time too...housecleaning if you will. It gets easier with age I am finding, maybe because I feel more secure in myself and the life I am creating, or maybe I just don't have the same needs.

The bottom line is this, there are some people in your life that will be an indefinite figure in your life, I can name a few and I feel incredibly lucky that I can do that. The rest, come and go and that's ok too, but one thing I have learned in these past several years is how to establish a level of mutual respect within your relationships from the get go, otherwise the relationship simply cannot exist.

It's just hard for me to see people treat each other this way, to be petty and catty and disrespectful of one another. This life is just too short to waste it on such trivial things.

WRONG-0 Daddio

Weekend got jacked up, too much to do and not enough hours...but it's getting better. Less distractions, more interactions...it's a good place to be even though the balance will take some time to level out.

Max and I are often at odds these past few days, I wonder if a small break might be good for us. He lambasted me in therapy the other night, I know this might not be appropriate...but he pissed me off SO bad during that session, I mean I still find myself feeling anger toward him. Not because of WHAT he said, but because of HOW and WHY. I felt he was being smug, bordering on disrespectful and blatantly giving Georgia a show. He was behaving in such a false manner, even though his message was clear...I don't know, it almost seemed like he just looking for a fight. I was disappointed in him and felt like he was manipulating the situation, that's not cool at all. Real frankly, since our communication has been poor. I definitely plan to bring it up at the next session.

I am in a particularly rebellious mood myself this morning, probably vibing off of MJ's little 'tude from the weekend or maybe it's my new Pink CD - this is a great one for those moments in life when a girl feels like hearing a little female angst in full throttle. I love that she's not afraid any more, to say what's on her mind. To drop the F bomb and say what she thinks about the men in her life, her family, her ex-lovers and the ones to come....she just doesn't take any shit, it's hard NOT respect that. It's been enjoyable watching her evolve as an artist from the early days, Pink's a good girl in my book, I'd buy her a beer anytime.

I should get to work, my desktop has been al out of sorts lately, I am pretty sure it's a memory issue conflicting with my .Net install...which I told them about 3 or 4 weeks ago at least...achem, anyway...but I think it's fixed now. That's what IT tells me anyway. The worst part is that most times, I can easily troubleshoot and fix whatever is wrong with my workstation....but I am not "allowed" as I am simply a lowly peon developer and not an IT Administrator (at this job anyway)...plus I don't think they'd appreciate being shown up by a "chick"....alas my lovelies, it is still true that even in an industry in which I've been working for almost a decade now, my fellow techie momma's and myself face the occasional a-hole with a stereo-type in his mind about women and technology. Luckily, there is only one said a-hole here, and he's on vacation this week. In a perfect world, he would be on vacation permanently.

Happy Monday, cheers to you all - have a lovely week:)

Yes, Yes, I AM The Goddess

I am gloating a little here, but guess what? You know this project I have been working so diligently on for the past several months? Well the client, they sent me a bonus!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Mango!

The letter reads:

*********************************************************
Dear Sarah,

*Client Organization* and particularly myself, would like to thank you for all your incredible work and time you have put into the Mirage start-up as well as for all you do with Anso.

Your professionalism, integrity, willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done right, and most importantly your wonderful and calming attitude is most appreciated.

Please use this toward something that makes you happy.

Warmest Regards,

*Project Lead Name" and "Client Organization"
*********************************************************

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Mango!

I really am touched, I guess it reminds me that my efforts mean something to someone! I've never gotten a bonus before, wow.

Good Job Mango-Goddess!

Weekend Goddessry

June 9th, 10th, 11th Weekend Itinerary

* Friday - June 9th
Afternoon = Clean, clean, clean da hisouze and C & Mj are helping so it will all go much quicker:)
Evening = Chillax (Chill + Relax, durhhhh)

* Saturday - June 10th
7 - 3 = Work, work, work (Need a comp day!)
Call My Aunty & My GramE (Cuz it's my GramE's birthday, hee hee)
Evening = Real Climate Viewing @ The Mayan w/ CMan, his lovely Momma Bear, Maxter & Me Momma Bear

* Sunday - June 11th
Grociery Shopping (boooooo, baaaad)
Sleep, rest, Chillax & Work out

I am such a Goddess, I can do it all...clean the castle, bring home the bacon, enjoy my flamily (this is NOT a typo - FLAMILY is a word accidentally created by Chance!) and maybe, just maybe find a few moments in the day to love myself, yay me!

Lemeeeeee C Here......

I seem to have contracted a terrible case of cabin fever as of the past several days and am having an extremely difficult time concentrating at work. It's really taking more effort than usual for me to get anything done and I just cannot seem to get on task.

My hopes are, that if I take a few moments to blogg about my thoughts I can set them free to the Universe and move along happily with my very busy day.

So, Lemeeeeee C Here......

* I am becoming bored with work, I have a good job but feel a little burned out.

* I think sometimes I just don't want to work any more and would rather travel, work on my house and spend alot of time healing my wounded places.

* My weekends and/or free time have not been very restful for quite some time now, I am hoping that will change and am very genuinely going to make efforts on my part to make that happen.

* We are talking about some short, affordable ways to get our arses up to My Mountains this summer and possibly Washington State in August. We are getting creative in these endeavors, I think it is irritating that money is required to do so much.

* Did I mention I'm not a big fan of currency? It all seems so fake anyway, it's not like when my paycheck gets deposited, that's really MY money. It almost instantly becomes someone else's money in exchange for simple survival. That seems SO wrong to me somehow.

* It is practically silent in my office, someone made a boo boo on a project scheduled to go live yesterday afternoon and we now have an app in production that is totally FUBAR'd, this makes people cranky and I am happy I am not the one under the bus at the moment.

* I started a beautiful blog on evolution and technology and my mind is swirling with it, but my lack of mental focus at the moment cannot even seem to bare completion of said blogg.

* Chance was so sweet to me last night, he is a good man and I am grateful for the interactions and understanding we now have of one another. I once that love might get boring with time or feel used, I can tell you that it is quite the opposite. We had a tough period after the move, but the gentle sweet eyes of my lover have returned and this makes me very happy. Oh yes and I suppose I've sort of come down to some level of normalcy now that we are settled (sort of) into a life that does not feel like living in the Insane Clown Circus.

* I keep thinking about how my social circle has whittled away considerably in the past 2 years or so and that I don't really miss it all that much, I miss the genuine interactions like my talks with Crystal at my house and how Kristen and I used to spend HOURS and HOURS on the phone or doing stuff with the kids, but that's all changed and I think it's just cuz we are all growing up and life changes.

* Woman have very interesting relationships with one another, it's probably not something men often understand. Just how I don't understand why 13 year old boys can kick the crap out of each other one minute and still be best friends the next?

* Speaking of, Mj is turning 14 this year. It shows to, he's really huge and his manly features are becoming very predominant. Man in training I suppose, it's the real deal now that's for sure.

* My ice tea is all watered down now, but still rather tasty. Did you know that ice from convenience store, restaurants and airlines have some of the highest levels of bacteria in one concentrated area than almost any other massively produced "food item." ew.

* Ok ok ok...back to work argh.

* PS: I've been having a little nudge nudge of the cigarette craving these past few days....I guess it's really true that this is a life long battle, I wish I'd never started. I also wish that with all there is in life, why can't just ONE "bad" - but oh so enjoyable - thing be allowed? Like cigarettes, or chocolate or red wine.......Just one thing? PULLLLEASE cut me a break here!

My Sobriety

Found myself in that circle once again
The one where I end and you begin
And then again and again and again

It is the circle of my addictions
For food, wine, love or instant gratification
It is the cycle of my predilections
For reaching some glorious, unknown edification

Starting somewhere around my conception
I became a slave to sources of sensory disconnection
For there are theories that one's sobriety
May be linked to their inherent biology

This theory does not make room for pointing fingers
Only opens up discussions for a clear urge that lingers
If she or if he or if they, maybe then I would not have to diligently fight
To not digress so willingly to darkness and rather, strive for brilliant light

However convenient this excuse may be
I cannot blame it on them so easily
For I am a being undefined by historical patterns
I have the responsibility for that of what matters

With this responsibility, I choose My Sobriety

Choice, unbound by need or desire
Respect, for body and health
Clarity, of mind and spirit
Integrity, to truly live within it
Honor, of myself and my love

Cheers to less excess and more success!

The Proof!

Crystal & I in Boulder on that sunny, serene May day in 2006! I LOVE you girl!

Souls Sister From Seattle - A Recap Of Crystal's Visit

How We've Changed As Individuals, But Distance A Bond Does Not Break!

Ah, my sweet Crystal, she is indeed someone I will carry with me forever.  Our experience with one another is not a common one, nor is it easily explained or defined.  The very nature of our meeting was an indication to the unique relationship that would unfold between us!

Dead Natzi's Forever!
FYI:  This is a lethal shot of Rumplemintz & Jagermiester and maybe something else...it's not good and I've never touched one since Crystal practically forced (wink) it on me that night at Traks.

 

I am still feeling snuggly from our visit, but it was harder than I expected to part ways.  I miss her smile and defiant softness...the way we just sort of get each other in some unspoken motion.  I don't connect with anyone in the manner that I do with her, it's sort of odd sometimes and I know neither of us question it, just accept it as our unique form of telepathy.  I've always thought it is is because we are both of the Crazy Aquari Woman, which by default establishes us as a force to reckoned with. 

 

We spent a lovely day in Boulder, it really was very serene and comforting.  I felt honored that she took an entire afternoon out of her schedule to travel with me to one of my favorite places.  She bought the gong clock, which I now plan to get for Chance for the holiday's...except (psss) it's really for me ;-P

 

Crystal's metamorphosis is quite obvious, especially coming from someone who knew her pre-Seattle resident.  I knew being in the Northern Pacific would have the exact effect she described to me, tranquility and oneness.  She is a water-bunny after all and I also knew that even though she didn't know it yet, that the water would speak to her and she would never be the same.  I also firmly believe that living in other geographic locations is a must in regards to personal-growth, it offers new experiences and faces.  I believe this is part of how we learn about ourselves.  Leaving Colorado would be good for her, however painful.  That was my way of consoling myself in my grief when her and Dane announced they were moving.  Let me just reiterate my lack of tolerance for goodbyes, but I am getting good at it any more because I am now learning that goodbye does not mean forever, it took me a long time to learn this.  Luckily Crystal is one of those cases.  My favorite and most visible change in her is her sense of self, you can see great strides in her personal perspective.  I think she's had more time to focus on herself first.  Frankly, I was happy about the idea that she might travel to Seattle where the history of Colorado and the drama's incurred here might be able to escape her for a time and allow her to breathe a while.  I think that's exactly what happened.

 

I sense it's not been easy.  I know she misses us girls, that connection is pivotal for her I think.  But I wonder if all the distractions of others has not also aided greatly in the more centered person I saw two weeks ago? 

We spent the entire 5  or 6 hours we had with one another in constant discussion, there was way too much to talk about and ponder and collectively figure out.  I miss that too, Crystal is one of my greatest sounding boards....partly because she simply does not judge and she has a good understanding of how I think about things, how I process.  I could say something so completely off-color and she'd nod and ask me what I thought was next or how I felt about it without even a blink?  Crazy girl.  I agreed that we should probably talk on the phone more though I'm not sure we really get enough from the phone, it's sort of a tease I guess...but it'll have to do.

Then it was girls night out at the local RockABilly club which we ended up having an absolutely wonderful time, good choice girl.  It also reminded me that there is every kind of seedy bar down on Broadway, I always forget about that side of town when we are trying to figure out what to do for a night out.

I of course cannot recount the visit without making fun of her ever fading voice during the visit due to fatigue obviously.  At one point, she sounded like a pre-pubescent boy with laryngitis which was quite entertaining to say the least.  Sorry Crys, we were laughing at your misery.  Bad Sarah & Rhi!  Poor girl.  Chance picked us up and took us home we put Crystal promptly to bed and made her sleep at least a little before her next grand adventure to Vegas with Rhi.

 

Her visit reminded me of the long hours we worked to dissect the going on's of our lives, the broken hearts and tears and alot of giggling throughout the years.  I am not sure how I've changed, but I am sure I have...I think I've matured a little this last year, it's something tangible for me...I can see it in myself.  I know she is also quite happy that Chance is a good man and that Maxter is a good boy with lots of love still for his momma.  We have a good life together.  She had some very valuable words for me on the subject of being a teenager and how the relationship with her father has progressed since, it's encouraging. 

 

Needless to say, her visit to Colorado was warmer and more wonderful-er (laugh) then I could've hoped for.  It's good to know that the bonds created between two water-bunnies cannot be broken by distance or time.

Next time though, Crystal...are you listening?  Next time, it's girls night out complete with a Rebecca Peck from Texas.  yup.  good times:)

 

Except I still get to steal you for a whole day, so there.  neener neener boo boo

 

 

 

Thursday Morning Thought

It's pretty easy to get overwhelmed in this life. There are considerable demands on all of us, our spirits are constantly tested and our fundamental daily existence can be quite trying, but equally divine.

My GramE once said to me that so much of what happens to us in life has much more to do with how we react, perceive and define it...not necessarily the act or event itself, wise words indeed.

My question this morning is:

With life as demanding as it truly is, am I simply too consumed by the demands and easily overwhelmed or is this everyone's experience and they do not display it so publicly? Am I simply to sensitive to the difficulties I face, the frustrations? Surely we are all facing great hardships AND great reward? Why am I so overcome by the news in Haditha or seeing a man eat out of the garbage? When I look to my neighbor at work or in the car or in line at the grocery store, I don't see their eyes filled with tears when they fall upon the homeless man or the news of someone's death. Nor do I see those same eyes fill with light at the sound of music or a baby laughing or a furry bunny.

I don't think I am special because emotion overcomes me easily, I just wonder if I am a little too fragile, to easily absorbed.