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Glimpses Of Current Thoughts:

• There is much to be written, many goings on at this moment. 
• Heavy minds, beating hearts, selfish needs. 
• I find myself with less and less time to write in my blogg, or write my family, or write for myself. 
• Time has become invaluable, I wish it weren't fleeing me so eagerly. 
• I am irritated with the inconsideration shown by others in my home over the weekend.
• I don't know when we will invite them again, unlikely it will be any time soon.
• Max is done with 7th grade tomorrow, he's too big of a boy...I wish he'd slow down a little.
• Crab dinner, I hope he enjoys it.
• This cycle of weekly and weekend events has become intolerable, I am ready for release of this pattern and renewal of new ones.
• Chance is a loving and wonderful man, I am blessed by him truly, even if he does leave greasy messes in places I didn't know existed.
• Work is keeping me occupied, but I am becoming increasingly bored with this project. 
• There is a strange aire in the office today, alot of personalities clashing and snappiness.
• I wonder what the planets would say about that?
• Vacation sounds good.
• Music misses me.
• My stomach is growling, much to do...better get back to work.

The Screaming Banchee's (Cat Chaos)

3:12 AM
I make my nightly rounds for water and visiting the little girls room, all is calm. Gaia cat is sleeping peaceful on the floor next to the bed and Pumpkin is sitting outside our bedroom door dutifully guarding our domain.

3:34 AM
I awake to Chance bolting out of bed and the most atrocious squaloring sound. Chance's eyes are huge, I look over to this side and there is literally fur flying every where and this rolling ball of claws, tails, snarling teeth and a strange cream and white color I am not familiar with. It looked like a cartoon. Chance grabs Gaia cat, who is poofed up to twice her size easily. Gaia is hissing and spitting, clearly ready to brawl and barely missing Chance's face with her claws in attempts to be put down. I throw my shirt over Pumpkin cat's head who is making a great effort to bite me with her one tooth. Pumpkin is mewling in a most unrecognizable tone and her whole skinny little body is shaking, I can feel her rib cage working hard and I put her in bathroom and shut the door.

Chance: (With huge wild eyes) "What the hell is going on?" ~ puff ~ puff ~

Sarah: "I don't know, I thought it was just Gaia and Pumpkin but something doesn't sound right....."

- enter scurrying and scuttling sounds from under my side of the bed, by the wall -

Chance: "Is there another cat in here? Holy crap, I thought someone broke in or you were screaming...are you ok?"

Sarah: (Getting up and looking under bed) "Oh My Gawd, Chance there's another kitty under here...this kitty is totally freaked out...awwww, what do we do???"

- enter very sweet, cream and white colored Tabby cat who is also poofed up like a large cotton ball with razor sharp claws, but trying to become invisible in the wall -

Sarah: "Hey, what is this kitty doing in here? Why is this kitty and our kitty fighting?"

Chance: "Sarah, get a towel"

Sarah: "Ok" (Get's towel and clumsily throws on Tabby kitty and almost trips into the wall)

- Tabby kitty does not like the towel, or frenzy of strange hands, smells and sounds trying to control her. She is hissing, spitting, mewling and trying to claw Chance's eyeballs. At one point all I see is Tabby kitties little face all squished down, ears pulled back and teeth showing - surrounded by a towel, a Tabby kitty burrito. She is quickly escorted down the stairs and out the door - Poor kitty;(

3:42 AM
While Chance is fighting the Tabby burrito down the stairs and I'm in shock, staring at the fur all over the floor.

Max: "Mom, what the heck is going on out here? What is that?" (Mj points to the fur that is all over the floor)

Sarah: "I don't know honey, go back to sleep but we think a kitty got in the house and caused havoc."

Max: (Nodding knowingly) "It came in through the basement I bet."

Sarah: "Yeah, you are probably right. Go to sleep, love you!"

3:48
Gaia cat and Pumpkin cat begin stalking our bedroom again, searching for signs of the intruder.
Pumpkin is mewing gently and Gaia seems uncertain that the stranger is indeed gone. .....

Chance: "Mango, I'm not sure I can go to sleep."

Sarah: (Hugging Chance) "I know, me too. Where do you think that kitty come from? Poor kitty, did you see? She was terrified!"

Chance: "I don't know, but we have to keep that basement window shut, even if it's hot."

Sarah: "Oh my gosh, what if that had been a raccoon? Our kitties would be toast!"

- This conversation of what if's, how mean raccoon's can be and our thanks that the cats don't seem to have suffered much more than a little lost fur and perhaps a new found fear of cat burglars goes on for a bit and then off to sleepy sleep. I am thinking of the Tabby kitty this morning and hoping it is not hurt, Gaia isn't exactly a force to be reckoned with, she doesn't mess around but she is not overtly aggressive either....she was just protecting us. But what if the Tabby kitty has no home and was scared because of the thunderstorms last night? Or was hungry and was drawn in by the cat food smells? Chance didn't see her there, all backed up into the wall and shivering and clearly totally traumatized. I'm not sure what to do now???? -

What a night! Nothing like waking up to Screaming Banchee's in the middle of the night, freaking cats ~ shakes head ~

Bunny TV! All Bunnies, All The Time!

Where there were once no bunnies, there are now bunnies. Every where.

Pulling into the parking lot, there are bunnies dashing from the safety of one green patch of bushes and grass to another.
Getting out of my car, there are bunnies scurrying from the car next to me to the nearest hiding spot.
Walking at lunch, there are bunnies peaking out at me from behind the various tree's that line the building.
Leaving work in the afternoon, there are bunnies making yet another mad scramble for the closest refuge possible.

Bunnies, bunnies, bunnies. I guess it's true what they say, about rabbits and their ability to reproduce rapidly. I know scientifically that rabbits have a very short gestation period and this is why 2 bunnies can suddenly blossom into 10 and then 20 and then 30 within weeks, but my devilish side conjures images of waskily little wabbits deeply in rabbit love (thus unable to keep their furry little paws off of one another) and planning their bouncy little families.

sigh. Bunny love - see what Spring can do to a girl? It's really very cute and they make me giggle with their frantic hops from one spot to another and that I can sense them waiting for me to pass this spot of shrubbery or that, as if I were a threat. Actually, I fear it is not me they should be concerned with...it is our landscaping company. I am worried that the little bunnies will be considered pests and be "relocated" (which I think is a fancy word for "exterminate" to avoid reprisal from any local animal rights organizations) just like the prairie dogs from last spring who had also apparently been quite busy in the early months of Spring. But I wont' think of that, I'll think of sweet furry little bunnies and how much I want to hold one but I cannot cuz I'll get my weird human smell all over them and then they'll be the little outcasted bunnies in the bunch, you'll be able to tell which ones by their mohawks and piercings. Those are the ones that have been touched by us yucky humans you know!

Back to work, coming soon......

- Souls Sister From Seattle - A Recap Of Crystal's Visit
(How We've Changed As Individuals, But Distance A Bond Does Not Break! BTW: Crystal and I are water bunnies, we decided that this weekend. BUNNIES YAY!)
- The Self-Propagating Victim
(A Look At How Some Woman Cannot Break Their Own Vicious Cycle.)
- A Spring Journey
(My Personal Recap Of The Joys & Wonders of A Rocky Mountain Spring, Just For My GramE With A Picture For My Aunty MB!)

Catch ya on the flip side and remember to Love Your Local Bunnies!

As Spring Blooms...

It's a beautiful morning here.

I almost cried when I stepped out of my car to head into the office this morning. In spite of a major interstate running straight through the landscape, there is a breathtaking view of the Boulder Flat Irons (foothills) from my office and this morning everything seemed so awake and brilliant, it felt newly washed.

The grass is greener than I've seen in years, all things great and small are blooming into life and the smells are marvelous.

I live for Spring, it is when I feel most alive, most creative, most motivated. I often fear the changes in season as this transition has historically equated with emotional upheavals, even with all that, it is hard to ignore how captivating Spring in Colorado is. I could get lost in it. I find myself, throughout the work day, day-dreaming and wanting badly to be outside and out of this caged environment made up of cube walls and fluorescence. In here it is listless and void of life; out there is where I need to be.

~ sigh ~

Amidst all this beauty Mother Nature is bestowing upon us, my family and I have settled into a pattern of endless work days, attending Max's various events and attempting to get him there on time, more work in our home, and occasionally stealing a few moments to be in love with it all. Sometimes it feels like too much and sometimes it doesn't. I trust in the lessons I am learning at the moment, one of which is that being a big girl in life comes with a price, perhaps one I've hid from for many years. Maybe I've been lazy, or indifferent to the idea of it all, or my mind was elsewhere, or I've simply been just trying to stay afloat and do this "growing up" thing in the process, which is most likely the case.

Nurturing and loving a child, honoring the commitments I've made to the man I love, being a loyal and available friend, living consciously of the world and of self, working diligently for my employer, being a woman in a culture that still seems so divided on whether to hate us or love us; etc., etc., etc., There are days when this is all really hard work and I find myself longing for some unknown life of naps, pampering and reckless abandon to all responsibilities except that of myself. Then on most other days, it doesn't feel like work at all and by the grace of some powers that be, I've been afforded the luxury of love and so much opportunity, I can barely stand it. It is difficult to explain why I am so grateful for every moment of joy, why it overcomes me.

It's hard to relay to others where I've been. That place still lives within me somewhere, it is painful and harsh and deeply solitary. I realize now that it is hard for others to understand because the woman I am now, is not the child I was then. Save for a few individuals whom I've known since childhood, the majority in my life now have no tangible means in which to measure my growth or why it is that I am so overcome by all that I find myself surrounded with....and really, they needn't know much of any of it anyway. Because it does not matter. It does not matter to them, the embarrassments and indignities of my youth; the lengths in which I went to escape being yet another statistic, only to become one anyway in another manner; the struggle to find myself after all those years of control; the fight to care for someone else when I could barely care for myself; the years I spent being darkly introspective and healing from things I could not control. Every mistake, every scraped knee and bruised ego, none of this matters. It doesn't matter because all that falling down is part of what is helping me stand tall today. I somehow came across others in my life who can appreciate this rather than chastise or condemn me for a past that was not all my own.

I sometimes feel I am holding some hideous secret, if people knew this or that about me, then I'd be cast aside and deemed unworthy of their love. And isn't that worst thing really? To be unworthy or unloved. There was a time when I thought so. It has taken me 13 years to accept that some of my experiences were a direct result of my own personal choice, but there was so much that I do not have to feel guilty about, it wasn't my fault and I do not have to take responsibility for the actions of others. I do not need to live my life with the guilt and shame that was forced unto me by others and repeat it through eternity. But alas, forgiveness can be a tricky thing and that is what I'm really saying here is it not? That I must forgive those who have trespassed upon me, or must I forgive myself? For being a child, or fragile, or submissive, or afraid, or naive. I forgive me.

This is quite a tangent isn't it. I hadn't intended to go this route, but I've been thinking allot lately on the turn of events in the past 2 years or so and knowing that it must be another time of great change for me, another peak in the cycle. I've also been thinking about the person I've been and the person I am now and how are they different? How are they the same?

Ah, no coincidence that I might be having this thought process in the midst of Spring, a time for growth and renewal. I doubt it's coincidental really, makes perfect sense to me.

And with that my lovelies, I bid you a fair fond well and until next time, much love and hope you are all enjoying Spring wherever you may be.
l-s

Still Kicking....

I am still kicking, alive and well. Phone is toast so if you've tried to call me, I should have a new one by the weekend. Work is absorbing me and Max's schedule continues to be demanding. Our hot water heater went out, thank goodness for insurance....not so happy about the $$$ but it could've been a lot worse. I have very little social life outside of my home so nothing to report there. Chance is good, working hard and minding (ode to Carl) fairly well, but no better than usual:) inside joke.

Life is good, but summer is looking too nuts. I am already thinking about vacation and Max will be out of school in exactly one month. whoa.

ok, back to work. love to you all, I am still here and life is good but it's going to be another month or so before you hear much from me.

oh yes and PS, did anyone see this? HOLY CRAP! We were watching it and could not freaking believe it was real!
Bush Takes A Beating

PS: Thanks to Matty for stopping by Saturday night, congrats yo! I am so proud of you, keep up the good work :)